Stars may fade
by birthofthecool
Summary: Shepard is back from the dead and wants nothing more than to be reunited with Liara. How will she deal with Liara's cold reaction?  In short my take on Liara in ME II prior to LOTSB and my FemShep's way of dealing with it. Paragon FemShep/ Liara
1. Chapter 1

**_Author's ranting:_**

_Okay... I've got somewhat mixed feelings about this story. It all started as a very short piece were my FemShep muses about her feelings for Liara, after the first encounter on Ilium, but before the Shadowbroker DLC._

_It quickly expanded into what you are about to read, all the while constantly being rewritten, because I simply wasn't satisfied with it at all._

_I'm still not fully satisfied with it. Ther is too much introspection and too little action in this and basically it is very depressing._

_Why does the idiot still post it then? You may ask. The answer is, because it fit the mood. __The way Liara acts in ME 2 was a great source of frustration for me, in an otherwise very enjoyable game. In fact I even started ME1 again, to get a Shepard without any ties to Liara, to play ME2 with it._

_The SB DLC changed that, but not totally. I still think Liara's actions are strange and the change in her, which seems so profound is then negated almost completely when she and Shep reconcile._

Anyways, as always speech is indicated by""

_Thoughts are indicated by "" and written in cursive._

_bold is used to emphasise certain things._

_I'm still looking for a beta reader for my not NGE connected stories, so if you want to just contact me._

_Actionjunkies... there will be some action in later chapters._

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything, Bioware owns everything! They are the gods of RPG's! I'm nothing! I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!_

* * *

><p><strong>Stars may fade<strong>

**Chapter One**

**Regarding a certain blue-skinned doctor:**

It had begun almost instantly, without a warning, without any hint that something like this was possible, even now after so much time had passed since their initial encounter Shepard was still flabbergasted at how fast it had all happened

The moment Shepard's' eyes first fell onto the young Asari archaeologist she felt a desire to protect the beautiful woman (yeah, yeah, Asari are not female, but they are a hell lot closer to being female than to being male, or so Shepard thought).

Seeing her lithe body hanging in the grip of the protean force field, rare sensations and emotions had run rampant in the Spectres' mind.

It was not like she was instantly in love the moment she saw her (at least the N7 Marine told herself so…), but something inside the soldier reacted to the mere sight of the Asari Maiden.

In the beginning, it really felt strange to her. Liara touched a place inside Rain Shepard that the N7 marine had believed to be safely locked away inside her.

Shepard's duty always came first in all her previous relationships (not that you could call it a relationship this early in their meeting), the fate of said affairs never coming into play when duty was concerned.

Ever since she gained her officer commission she had all but abandoned closer ties than friendship, pushing herself into believing it wasn't worth the effort and the possible cost.

That was why it was so totally unexpected.

X

When Saren's Krogan underling had demanded Liara, while the mine collapsed all around them, Shepard instantly denied it, denied it before she even thought of the mission and the Asari's possible importance for it.

Her feelings were protective, almost possessive; Liara was to be kept safe at all costs, under any circumstances.

As always Shepard refused to let her emotions dictate the way she acted. So stopping the Krogan and his Geth underlings had been handled as cold, efficient and detached as possible, so as to exclude any hint that personal emotions were included.

Shooting both of his knees with the sniper-rifle, before getting in close and firing pistol shot after pistol shot into the alien's head until even a Krogan's immense life force was finally drained.

**That **was Shepard's way, doing everything to protect the weak, the civilians, the innocents, taking out the enemy fast and efficiently, without unnecessary bloodshed or brutality.

Rain might feel anger towards her enemies and sympathy with their victims, but on the other hand, she could not allow herself to get to close to it all.

If she would feel the pain and suffering without a cold and hard protective shell, she would not be able to continue her work, would not be able to protect anymore.

Duty came before everything!

X

Yet with Liara, before they both even partially realized their feelings for each other, there were parts of Shepard's duty that definitely were not as important as the blue-skinned maiden who mixed innocence and intelligence in such a tempting manner.

Of course it wasn't like Rain neglected the „big stuff" like saving and protecting innocents or the fight against Saren and Sovereign, but things like regulations or proper conduct. These things just did not seem as necessary anymore, regardless of how big a part of the Spectre's life they had been before.

On a ship, life- apart from the rare leave- was bound by military regulations and restrictions; everyone around her was either her superior or her subordinate.

At least this was the case on smaller ships where there were only a few officers at all.

These circumstances made any social interaction harder from the get go.

Rain had already experienced this as a kid, growing up on the ship's where her mother held a commission.  
>That was probably the main reason she fell into this kind of life so easily and never once questioned it.<p>

She just wasn't cut to fall in love with anybody who could pull rank with her and always felt uneasy becoming to close with someone who ranked lower in the hierarchy.

Although she was quite versed in reading people, she never felt sure, whether affection was just pretence to gain some advantages by getting close to a higher ranked officer or whether it was genuine. Or rather in this one instance, she did not trust her senses or intuition, like she usually did .

And starting a relationship with a civilian, someone you would only see once a year, if you could manage to arrange your leave on the right planet or space station…

That was definitely not what she wanted.

She wanted "all or nothing," and if "all" did not work, then "nothing" it was.

xXx

None of this even mattered, none of this accounted for anything, when it came to Liara.

Whenever her gaze lingered on the eye-catching, blue-skinned Extraterrestrial the whole problem receded into the back of her mind, reduced to background rumour, annoying but easy to ignore.

Instead, she was filled with a mixture of peaceful calm and unsated hunger.

A part of her simply screamed to be closer to the shy scientist.

It was awfully hard to concentrate on anything when her eyes met the cerulean orbs, so full of empathy and enthusiasm.

Somehow, Shepard knew from the start she could trust Liara.

This intuitive knowledge and her wish to defend the prothean expert led to some rather harsh, verbal responses when Ashley (still Chief Williams to her back then) openly doubted Liara's intentions and her sincerity.

It didn't take long until at least some others had noticed the change in Shepard and in her behaviour. She was more easy going than ever before and actively tried to get to know her crew better.

Therefore, a woman who had been, by some, considered a cold fish, turned into a caring and attentive superior.

It was not, that she had not been attentive and caring before, it was just the way she went about it, which had changed. It was noticeable now, while before it had been easy to miss.

Some understood it and were happy, like Doc Chakwas who had seen Shepard's aloofness as the one problem in her psychological examinations. Of course, it had merely been a problem for the commander herself, not for the crew or her squad.

Some thought they understood the changes and the reason for it, but did not.

With Alenko it even got so far, that he misinterpreted it as a sign of Shepard's affection for him.

xXx

xXx

Rain would have chuckled at the memory of Kaidan's astonished expression, when he finally found out how wrong he had been in his assessment of her feelings.

She would have, if it were not for the guilt she still felt for her decision on Virmire.

No matter how often she wrestled with it, chances were she'd chosen Ash over Kaidan simply because she liked her more than the human biotic.

Of course, there were other justifications, not the least of it that without Williams the bomb would not have set off and that Shepard knew she needed Ash's fighting skills when the final confrontation with Saren was up.

Liara already was more than Alenko's equal when it came to biotics, even Wrex would have been an alternative if necessary.

But in the end the decision had come from her guts and the fact that Alenko reacted like a troglodyte, when he found out where her interests really lay hadn't exactly been endearing, while she and Ash grew ever closer as friends.

The gunnery chief had abandoned her old xenophobic views and learned to appreciate her non-terran shipmates.

X

Lesbian, heterosexual... she had not even known people still used these labels, certainly not on earth or the spaceports she had visited when she was on leave.

She had definitely expected more open-mindedness from Alenko, especially considering how many people liked to stick labels on human biotic users.

When there were ever more relationships between humans and other species, Asari, Quarians and even Turians and other less human compatible races, what sense did it make to label one's sexuality?

Well, probably old sentiments did not die that easy, or organisations like FOH would not have so many voters and members.

Still it had been a surprise and she resented Alenko for his remarks, even if they were born from a wounded ego.

Who was to say this did not play into her decision.

X

X

To be reminiscing this way about the beginning of her love for the young Asari scientist made one thing perfectly clear.

Yes, Liara had captivated her thoughts from the start.

No wonder just the thought of finally meeting her again made her feel so queasy that she had to calm herself with a shot of brandy.

Shepard stood in front of her small wardrobe and looked sceptically at her mirror image.

A rather tall woman, with a dark skin tone but bright blonde hair, worn in a bob cut with a parting in the hair on the right off the centre

Almond shaped dark brown, almost black almond-eyes, a straight, thin, not extraordinarily sized nose and full lips. Her looks slightly enhanced by decent make-up, although it did nothing to hide the small scar running over her right eye.

A lean, muscled body, well-toned, but shapely enough in the right places.

All of this dressed in a dark uniform.

Shepard had to admit it did not look half-bad. The genetic cocktail of her ancestors (English and German from her father's side, Japanese, and Spanish-Swedish and even a bit of genuine Navajo on her mother's side, if her parents didn't lie) had produced an interesting combination of genetic traits.

Especially her blonde hair was very rare today, ever since the earth had become one big global melting pot of cultures and genes.

_"Enough of this! Stop thinking about bullshit like this, when you should be thinking about Liara and your mission. No, about the mission and Liara… Arghh! Who am I kidding? Ever since we docked here, she's all I can think about."_

Shepard tried to keep her calm, but it was no use.

"_I just want to kiss her, to taste her again, want to hear the longing when she whispers my name. That fresh smell, like... like the sea on a mild summer morning, her warmth. Stars! I miss her so much, I didn't even realize how much until now._"

One last nervous glance into the mirror and she practically stormed out of her quarters, stopping just long enough to pick up her hand cannon.

X

"_Oh, to hell with you, Miranda! Screw you for forcing me to wear the armour."_ Shepard thought indignantly.

"_As if I couldn't survive one simple walk to her office without wearing a frigging Blood Dragon Armour."_

"Shep, what's wrong. I may not be the most apt Turian in regards to reading your soft, squishy human faces, but shouldn't you be more... I don't know... happy? Instead of looking like the cook, after Grunt visited the mess room and kitchen at night?"

"Shh, Garrus, leave her alone. She's grumpy, because she was all dressed up and styled for Liara and then our precious little Cerberus errand girl forced her into this bulky armour."

Shepard sighed in frustration:

"Will you two idiots cut it out? We are not here for your or my amusement, we need information and Liara is supposed to be the best information broker here."

Garrus didn't say anything, but a big smirk decorated his scarred visage.

Tali chuckled quietly.

"Relax, Shepard! Remember that you're her knight in armour, just like in your human fairy tales."

Shepard sighed again. She slowed her pace and turned to look into Tali's faceplate and her gleaming, white eyes beyond it.

"It's not like that, Tali. She even told me so quite a few times; she doesn't want a protector or saviour. She wants..."

"_...me, I hope." _

She continued quietly into her thoughts.

Tali seemed to stiffen a bit and her head tilted sideways for a moment, before she returned her gaze to Shepard's face.

"I wouldn't mind, so why would Liara..."

The tone of her voice, resigned and a little bit sad, combined with the way her shoulders sagged...

Was Tali still infatuated with her, Shepard wondered? It wasn't like the Spectre had not known about it, yet Tali was very much like a little sister to her, nothing more, nothing less and she really had thought the young Quarian was way over it by now.

Frowning Shepard turned around, there was too much occupying her thoughts right now, she really did not dare to think about this.

"_Just ignore it, Rain. She will have to sort this out by herself."_

_X_

Each step closer to Liara's office, each step made her even more nervous, she felt cold sweat dampening her hair and neck and felt cold shivers running down her spine. Again, she cursed Miranda for making her wear the full body armor.

_T"he coolant unit must be malfunctioning on the blasted thing."_

X

As soon as she was finished here, she would start looking for a lighter armour system. She had heard positive things about the Kestrel Armor, so why not look into it...

"_I should ask Kelly to go hunting for one." _

Shepard mused for a moment, before reality inserted itself heavily into her thoughts again.

It did not get any better, when the three of them started climbing the set of stairs leading to Liara's antechamber.

So it clearly **was** no wonder, that her heart thumped in her chest and her blood rushed in her ears so loud that she had problems actually making out what Liara's receptionist told her?

Answering some non-distinct triviality did finally lead to the round metallic door sliding away into the walls and a way into Liara's office.

The young Asari scientist stood with their back to the new arrivals, deep in conversation with some human over the holocom.

Rain didn't hear one word of the conversation, she just listened to the husky voice of her love and admired the way her white and green dress clung to her body and accentuated the shapely curve of her hips.

Some impure thoughts crept into Shepard's mind at the magnificence of Liara's backside.

„_Finally! I'm finally here! Please, let this work out. Please!"_

Liara's last words rattled a part of Shepard's mind that was still working, something about Asari commandos that sounded terribly familiar.

None of it mattered though, when Liara turned to her and called out her name, with joy emanating through her voice.

"_One kiss! One! A kiss. A chaste kiss. A hug. And one shy glance and then all business? What did I do wrong?"_

Shepard could not help but wonder. All through the day, all through the following **days**; when they searched for Samara and Thane; while she was doing these ridiculous hacking jobs for Liara and while she was collecting the clues that led to the discovery of Nyxeris betrayal.

After one final attempt to speak with Liara that netted nothing it was a long walk back to the Normandy and thankfully neither Tali nor Samara tried to talk to the Spectre, leaving her to her thoughts and to her misery.

The way Liara's eyes sparkled, when they met hers. The love she felt in that kiss and… It made no sense; it simply did not make sense.

For the short moment they held each other, it had felt as if nothing had changed.

_"…But if she still loves me, why did it turn out like this? I was so sure that… I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what to feel."_

For the first time in her adult life, Shepard felt her heart break. And it was nothing like when she was heartbroken as a teen, it had felt so tragic back then, but now it was on a totally different level.

Back then, it was as if some part of her relished the misery

She did not even think it was possible to feel this way for an adult. In fact she did not want to think, did not want to feel.

All she wanted was to be with Liara, her Liara and not that cold b... witch she had turned into at present.

Suddenly Shepard was glad she wore the armour, since at least now no one could see her cry.

Just a few tears really, but this was something she did not want anyone to know about her. It did not feel appropriate for the woman she pictured herself to be, to basically cry with self-pity.

X

* * *

><p>X<p>

She'd gone and done it again. Why the hell did she go and do it again?

Just what was wrong with her?

Ever since she met Liara on Ilium one such incident followed the other.

It was as if her libido, which had always been in sort of a self-styled lockdown until she met the Asari, was now set into overdrive.

The harmless flirting with Kelly Chambers had turned into a passionate night with her aide, without any plan whatsoever. It just happened..

Kelly, for all her psychological prowess was a beautiful charming girl.

In fact, her reverence for Shepard probably was a reminder for the commander back to the beginning of her relationship with Liara.

True, there was not more than friendship and an erotic attraction between them, but still, the old Rain Shepard (the pre-dying Rain Shepard) would never have done anything like this. Because after all, there was a part inside her that considered what she had done cheating and it was indeed, at least physically.

And Samara? Of course, there was the fact that she was an Asari and a powerful biotic, but there was more than just some superfluous similarities to Liara that drove the marine to the justicar. In a way, Samara and Shepard shared similar beliefs about duty, about priorities. True, the human would never go as far, Samara was merciless, even coldblooded when following her code, while Shepard tried to show compassion as much as possible, almost always choosing the hope for redemption, instead of damnation.

That aside, there was a lot to admire about Samara, not the least her beauty and the loneliness Shepard felt underneath the controlled exterior drove her even closer.

And yet it would never be. Samara had made it clear and Rain was not going to cross her boundaries by pressuring her friend again.

Even if Samara would have been interested in pursuing a relationship, it wouldn't have been fair to do so, not when Shepard herself was not sure how things were with Liara. Not if Shepard still was deeply in love with the prothean expert, turned information broker.

Samara and Kelly might at least be understandable, because almost all of Shepard's affairs and relationships had been with women and to be honest she simply was attracted to beautiful females, but since her rebirth, she did not stop at "being attracted."

Nothing compared to what had happened now though, not only was Garrus a close friend, no, their species were also so different that there probably was not even a possibility for intercourse.

Turians were barely even hominid.

Still she had clearly flirted with him, going so far as to suggest...

No, no, no!

"I must be going totally bonkers to come onto Garrus. There is no attraction, zero chemistry between us. Stars above. He's almost like a brother to me. This feels so wrong. I feel so wrong"

The Spectre paced up and down the floor of her quarter, muttering to herself.

"I have to stop this. This is not like me. This isn't me."

Thank the stars that Garrus had instantly accepted her backing off, her wish to remain just friends, but the level of awkwardness was indescribable.

She had felt the Turian's eyes on her back the whole way from the weapon's station to the elevator, no matter that the door had long since closed behind her, no matter that there wasn't even a line of sight, after she had passed the kitchen.

The incident with Garrus was the last of a long line of shameful actions, which drove the blood into the Spectre's head, making her blush whenever she was reminded of them.

She was checking out Miranda's chest and ass, stealing glances of Jake's barely covered body… It was so embarrassing.

The Spectre felt like a hormone-driven teenager.

Shepherd again started pacing up and down the floor, in this much, much too big cabin Cerberus had forced onto her, and then she stopped abruptly to gaze at the holo of Liara standing on her desk.

Acting on impulse, she ran over to it, picked it up and hurled it across the room, so that it smashed against the wall.

"It's all her fault! Fuck her! Fuck her! Why is she treating me like this?"

_"A cold shoulder is nothing compared to how she behaves towards me."_

She sadly thought.

Especially considering how sweet, soft and how gentle Liara had been two years ago.

"Damn it, Liara! It's not like I wanted to die! All I wanted was to be with you and our friends on the old Normandy and find a way to beat the reapers.  
>I wanted nothing to do with Cerberus! I didn't want a body that took months to heal these goddamn glowing scars. Or was filled with Nano machinery"<p>

The Spectre moaned angrily and punched the wall of her cabin so hard, that it hurt even her and left quite the denture in the structure.

"Nothing! One tiny kiss and not word one about us. Nothing!"

Sick of running in circles she let herself fall onto the bed, big enough for two, but never with that warm body beside her, she so desperately wanted to feel.

She wanted Liara cuddled against her chest when she woke up each morning.

Shepard covered her face with her lower right arm, as if to hide the unwanted moisture in her dark brown eyes

"The first human Spectre, the defender against the reaper... and I lie here crying from self-pity... and it's actually not the first time. I wish I would stop the waterworks"

Alas, even the use of her trademark dry sarcasm was no help.

X

She sat up in her bed and let her legs dangle from the edge.

Hunched forward, with her elbows resting on her thighs and her face buried in her hands, staring onto the carpet she spent the next few minutes crying silently. Her inner eye replayed the events, after that short, fucking worthless peck, again and again and even intermingled them with the earlier memories of her encounter with Ashley Williams.

"First I get the boot from Ash on Horizon and now Liara. There must be something wrong with me, if the two people I felt closest too both reject me!"

Shepard jumped back on her feet, not able to sit any longer, due to the pent-up frustration and energy running rampant inside her.

"**I** still now where **my** loyalties lie."

That may not have been the words, but this was what they implied.

How could Ash think she was a traitor? Really, Liara at least had her reasons to show her the cold shoulder; however flawed they may be.

At least Shepard hoped she had good reasons.

But what about Ash?

Williams and her both came from similar backgrounds. They both were soldier brats, both with a heavy burden from the past, Ash's family history and the loss of Shepard's unit on Akuse.

"Shit! I can't even count the times I had to haul her lazy ass into the Mako, because she got herself shot or sliced, or cut or whatever.

I can't count how often we saved each other's life and she judges me this easy? She didn't even give me the chance to talk things through with her and that after I saved her ungrateful behind yet again."

X

Shepard knew how ridiculous this whole scenario must seem to a possible witness, to see her run through her room cursing and arguing, with no one around, then brood on the bed, then explode again, but she couldn't help it.

She felt as if something had kicked her feet out from under her and she was now falling down to land in a devastating crash. The turmoil inside her was so big; it burst out with force by the way of her ranting.

The memory of that day was etched into her mind's country, each hurtful doubt and each accusation.

She had kept her calm, had tried to reason with the chief, but Ash was too thick-headed and stubborn to see past her own p-o-v.

It was as if losing half of the colonies' inhabitants had not been bad enough, Ash turned the defeat into something even more personal.

Afterwards, after the chief walked away from the three of them Garrus and even Jack, each in his or her own way had tried to comfort Shepard.

The Turian did so with a (too strong) punch at her shoulder and a biting commentary about Ash's mental capacity.

Jack with a whole wagonload of curses directed at Ash, her ancestors, the Alliance, the Alliance military… She never realized that while Shepard was no longer part of the navy, someone with her background obviously was hit by the remarks as well.

Shepard felt it was the thought that counted, not the as usual screwed way in which Jack chose to show her support.

Thank the stars that she at least still had Garrus and Tali, Joker and Dr. Chakwas.

X

When Shepard regarded what she had lost, since she died and what was left of her "assets," she couldn't help but feel cheated.

The new squad was fine; each in his or her own way and Shepard had already begun to feel friendship for Samara, Miranda, Kasumi and Jack. Zaed was a different story, but thankfully, the desire to throw him out of the airlock while in portal transit had subsided a bit.

The crew consisted of Cerberus members, yet she couldn't name one who wasn't loyal to her or did not do his or her best to help their mission.

And still… somehow the losses seemed to count higher.

Kaidan was dead, lived Wrex happily leading his clan. Ashley hated her guts. And Liara… Liara…

It was not fair, in no way was it fair…

In her dreams, the Spectre still remembered how she fought for life, slowly suffocating, helplessly fumbling to fix her leaking air supply. Her last thoughts had been of the young Asari, how much she regretted not being able to spend more time with her.

Rain died and was forced back to life by Cerberus' procedure and though she wasn't exactly sad that it happened, she couldn't help but feel betrayed that so many people were angry at **her** for it, as if any of it had been her decision.

"Maybe I should have told them to kill me again. Maybe that would have been more acceptable."

Wearily Shepard lifted herself of her bed and moved to kneel beside the broken remains of Liara's holo.

She sifted through them for a moment until she found the memory chip, thankfully still intact.

Leaving the cleanup for later, she ventured out of her room, the chip clutched tightly in her hand.

"Tali... yes Tali can fix it."

X

* * *

><p>X<p>

_A. N._

_I hope this was at least a bit entertaining._

_I don't know, I can't help it, I'm just not satisfied with it._

_It may be that at a future point in time I'll just rewrite this story totally._

_Allright, please review, we author's get the energy to write through your reactiosn to out work._

_Critizice me as much as you like, I'll deal with it, perhapbs I might learn from it._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's notes:**_

_First of, let me thank my reviewers for this very nice critiques._

_I think I never had that positive reviews for any of my stories and on top of that I'm not even that satisfied with it._

_I think my Dragon Age II story I posted yesterday is much better written, even if it's not as emotional._

_But who am I to judge my readers, if they like this story I'm absolutely giddy with joy._

_Anyway, this chapter is perhaps even more emo than the last one, but after that the story is turning a bit away from drama and to action and conflict._

_So anybody who is fed upt with Shepard whining all the time, bear with me for this one chapter and see Shep kick some and score some ass in the next chappie._

_As far as pepetition, please do realize that when a human mind is troubled he tends to muse over the same things again and again, that is why I picked up some of the stuff from chapter 1 again._

_And now for something completely different..._

Anyways, as always speech is indicated by""

_Thoughts are indicated by "" and written in cursive._

_**bold** is used to emphasise certain things._

_I'm still looking for a beta reader for my not NGE connected stories, so if you want to just contact me._

_Actionjunkies... there will be some action in later chapters._

_Disclaimer: Join me in saying that I don't own enither the characters nor settings in this story._

* * *

><p><em>X<em>

X

**Chapter 2**

**X**

… **in comes a Quarian:**

X

X

Of course, Tali and Shepard had already been friends after the fight against Saren and the Geth, but back then Shepard had never anticipated that they would ever grow as close as they were now.

Tali quickly rose to become something like Shepard's younger sister, a part of her family.

Maybe you could rather say all of her family, because ever since the death of her father she hadn't seen nor spoken neither her mother nor her Brother.

The Spectre practically had no family, no connections left. Her mother had sent a message from her command aboard SSV Orizaba, but something inside Rain was hesitating. Some part of her couldn't stand the idea of actually seeing her mother again.

That was why, her squad, no her friends had taken this place and discounting Liara, Tali was now the closest friend Shepard had, since a certain someone "rhymes with dash" had chosen to behave like a spoiled bitch.

At times Shepard felt as if surrounded by people who tried to control her, as if her every single step had been watched and observed.

This feeling was strengthened when the Spectre found out, shortly after coming on-board the Normandy, that Miranda indeed monitored not only her room, but all her communications as well.

X

Uncertainty had its claws deep inside the human Spectre, she didn't know who to trust, even new addition's like Dr. Solus appeared suspicious to her.

Even though no one in the crew had given her any reason to doubt them, when her paranoia rose, she couldn't trust anybody but Garrus and Jack with her massive hatred for Cerberus (but wasn't her hatred just a tad too obvious?).

The relief when Tali finally joined the crew after Haestrom was immense and their friendship grew in leaps and bounds afterwards.

Naturally, the events on the Quarian fleet had formed an even deeper bond.

The death of Tali's father, the trial, the averted loss of her place in the fleet and during all of this Shepard had stood by her side, supported her and defended her.

The older woman took the place as a sort of parental figure for the younger Quarian, without so much as losing a stride. The funny thing was though, how much Tali helped Shepard without even knowing it.

These or similar thoughts might have been in Shepard's mind any other time, when she went to visit Tali, but today the whole fiasco with Liara burned brightly inside her.

X

The doors to Tali's small quarters near the engines opened after Shepard's plea for entry.

Tali seemed to have just stood up from her workbench, as always it was littered with small parts and dissected tools, weapons etc.. from her current projects.

"Shepard, how nice of you to visit..."

She stopped upon recognizing the distraught expression on her friends face.

"What's wrong, Shepard? Did something happen?"

The older woman stumbled into the room and let herself slide down the wall next to the workbench.

She looked at Tali and the young Quarian was surprised to see the tears in the Spectre's eyes.

"N-not much, Tali. Really, I just... I just b-broke my holo of Li-Liara and I-I-I."

She broke off and let her head sink.

Tali hurried over to her friend and dropped down beside her. Hesitating a moment, whether it was acceptable to do this or not, then remembering how the human had comforted her when they had found her father's dead body, she quickly hugged Shepard and drew her head to rest on her chest.

After a moment, Shepard relaxed in the embrace and Tali felt the human actually tremble in her arms as she started to sob quietly.

Slowly and unsure Tali started to stroke over the woman's blonde tresses.

"This is because of what has happened on Ilium, right? The way she acted, I knew she had hurt you."

The young Quarian was unable to keep the hint of anger out of her voice.

The human woman simply nodded against Tali's chest.

X

"W-when she kissed me I thought for one short moment... I thought she wanted me as much as I wanted her. As much as I need her…"

The Spectre's voice broke once more and she continued to sob quietly for a while, before she began to struggle to regain her composure.

Gently freeing herself from Tali's arms, she leaned her head back against the wall and wiped the tears from her face, the engineer soon following suit.

"G-guess I was wrong. I d-don't know, Tali. I'm afraid she... No... I really don't know what she feels.

It just doesn't feel like she loves me anymore."

Shepard looked at her Quarian friend's faceplate trying to put a smile on her face, but failing miserably.

"The problem is at least how it feels to me, that she seems to feel guilty about what Cerberus did with me.

Yet somehow she treats me as if I'm the guilty one.

Alternatively, maybe I'm just talking bullshit and she just hates me for dying on her."

The human Spectre sighed and let her head rest against the cold material of the cabin walls.

"I didn't believe that I was able to feel this way. Or to be more precise, I tricked myself into believing that it wasn't that serious.

Somehow, I was able to act as if being separated from her wasn't that bad.

I mean, I would have felt guilty, with the fight against the Collectors and all, if I put priority to my relationship, but it got harder every day to act as if nothing was wrong.  
>Now I simply can't do that anymore. I can't. I <strong>want<strong> Liara by my side.

I've given up so much to become what I am now, but I can't just give **her** up.

She is my soul mate, no matter how cheesy that sounds and now I lost her, Tali.

And the worst thing is I didn't really have a chance.

It's not like **chose**to die and I sure as hell didn't choose to be separated from her for two years."

X

Tali sighed and nodded her helmeted head.

"You're right; Shepard, but surely Liara must know this. Isn't it natural to feel relieved? Garrus, Joker, Doc Chakwas and I, we were all just really happy to see you again.

I was so grateful that you were alive. How could she feel otherwise, right?

She has to know how you feel, doesn't she? You two connected your minds, after all."

Shepard laughed, but there was no joy in it. She banged her head back against the wall, so hard that it had to hurt.

"See? You and I, we must both be stupid.

I really thought this would be the normal reaction.

You get a lost friend back; you're supposed to be happy.

I sure as hell would be happy if Kaidan, Chief Adams or XO Pressly were still alive and I definitely didn't love one of them."

After a moment, she added, with just a touch of her regular self.

"Well, maybe Adams. He was kind of cute for an older guy, wasn't he?"

Tali couldn't help but chuckle a little bit. You could say lots of good things about the SR1 chief-engineer, but not that he was good-looking.

Soon Shepard joined her. Not that it was that funny, it just helped to lighten the mood to laugh with a friend.

The blonde human rested her head on the Quarians shoulder.

"Tali, you are a real good friend, you know that?"

She asked the younger woman.

"Don't ever think that it's just me helping you out of trouble, because you help me all the time.

And it's not only with your mad tech skills or in fights. I can always talk to you and that's worth a lot.

In my position, I'm not allowed to let my guard down around many people, except for Liara and Ashley, I think you're the only one I trust enough to show you my weak side.

After what happened with Ashley, your friendship counts even more.

You and Garrus are both non-human, you've both seen what Cerberus has done and yet you still trust me enough to work together with them,

Your trust means the world to me. I wasn't sure after "Freedom's Progress" how you felt about me, but we're even closer now, than we were back on the old Normandy. I'm really glad for your trust and friendship."

X

Tali was almost taken aback to hear this from her friend. Her relationship with Shepard, further complicated as it was by way of Tali's admiration bordering too close on infatuation, was more that of a mentor and apprentice, than of two equals.

At least that was how the young Quarian had seen it.

The human certainly was like an older sister and role model and the engineer was giddy like a child to hear that Shepard felt she was pulling her worth as an equal, that she actually helped her idol.

Not that she could fully believe it, but it made her proud nonetheless.

"Thank you, Shepard. You have no idea how much this means to me. You are my family now and I am proud to call you my captain."

In her excitement she almost stumbled over the words.

The young Quarian could not quite keep the emotion out of her voice as she once more realized that unlike other Quarians she would always have a home besides the Home fleet and it was with her best friend, who sat beside her.

Rain sensed the turmoil inside the younger woman and pulled her friend in a reassuring hug for a moment, before she hastily jumped to her feet and nervously wiped the backside of her pants and the front of the thighs as if they were dirty.

Getting so emotionally worked up was a bit embarrassing, but she did really feel better after opening up to Tali.

"Well, Tali'zorah vas Normandy. Enough of the emotional mush-mush, we have Collector's to fight and Cerberus to keep of our backs."

She reached out to help the enviro-suited girl to her feet, and then she took the small chip with the holo-memory out of her pocket and presented it to her friend.

"Just please... can you patch something together, so that this works again? It's really all I have right now.

You know me; I need something to torment me with, in these long endless hours"

Then she added with a casual smirk, which somehow lacked the conviction it usually possessed.

"It would be pretty sad to cry my eyes out over nothing, I need at least the picture as motivation, you know."

The Spectre's voice sounded unsure again, something Tali really didn't like to hear. Who if not Shepard was supposed to be their pillar of strength?

"Sure, Shepard, that's no problem. I'll have it fixed in no time and I think I have material for a new and sturdier frame."

The blonde just nodded quietly and with a lazy tip of two fingers against her brow she left Tali to her work.

X  
>X<p>

The Quarian strolled back to her bench and opened a drawer to search for the parts she'd need, while muttering under her breath...

"Stupid T'Soni! Just what is wrong with her? To hurt Shepard like this, after everything she's been through, after all she's lost and sacrificed for all our sake.

Damn Liara, if you don't come to your senses perhaps Garrus and I should pay you a visit and knock some of it in you."

To herself the Quarian admitted that there was still a tinge of jealousy left, regarding Shepard's love for the Asari maiden. Thankfully, as it always did, working on tech helped her to calm down and get a grip on herself.

After thinking it through, she was sure Shepard wouldn't appreciate it if her friends interfered with her love matters.

To be honest she wouldn't have thought that the Commander cared so deep for the Asari archaeologist, or maybe hoped she didn't, but the desperation in the Spectre's eyes left no doubt about the strength of her conviction.

X

X

Shepard continued to pounder the situation within her aching brain, on the way back to her quarters, and she sort of reached a conclusion.

Talking to Tali and perhaps just having a shoulder to cry on had helped clear her mind and she felt able to think about something beside her heartache

Yes, she had reasons to be angry, to be offended and hurt.

The problem with that was that if you considered all of this, it was in no way an excuse for her own behaviour.

She had never been promiscuous before and she was still very much in love with Liara.

"The kind of person I am, or rather the kind of person I'm aspiring to be shouldn't act this way. I ought to hold up to my own standards."

A part of her replied that she was holding herself up to a much higher standard than she demanded of everybody else and it was true.

Nevertheless, for Shepard part of the job description was to lead by example and so of course her standards had to be set higher as well.

She felt a shiver run down her back and guilt racked her.

_"I've practically thrown myself at Samara, but why? __I still love Liara; I shouldn't be doing stuff like that."_

Of course, there was no answer, because she knew she was right.

_"This ends now. No more flirting, no more longing, if necessary, I've got two perfectly working hands to ease the pressure. I'm going to do everything in my power to win Liara back. And it if doesn't work, if she doesn't want me anymore, then I'll somehow find a way to deal with it and when I'm over it, then I can start over again with my personal life. Until then… until then, I'll find a way to function."_

_X_

_X_

Back in her cabin Shepard busied herself going over the latest reports and her mails. She sat on her desk with a cup of black coffee in her hands and some biscuits on a small dish next to her terminal.

Kelly had added a new report about crew morale.

An extra-coded, hidden add-on informed her that the crew's loyalties slowly shifted from Cerberus to Shepard's person.

Due to the way, she protected and cared for her crew and through the exemplary actions and deeds, if one could believe Kelly. Shepard almost blushed a little reading this.

It had never entered into her thinking that her actions would result in this, as always she did what she felt was right, it was no ploy tp gather support.

It spoke tons for Kelly's character that she had offered this information gathering to Shepard of her own volition, after listening to the Spectre complaining about her inability to overcome her bouts of paranoia.

X

Kelly also shared her opinion that all of the experts she had gathered so far were also loyal to Shepard now, except for Miranda Lawson.

This was pretty much the way Shepard saw it herself. She was a 100% sure of Tali and Garrus, but her two old friends loyalty had never been in question anyway.

Yet she was equally certain that after their long bounding sessions over a few beers with Jacob and what they had been through together, he'd have her back as well.

The same applied to Jack after they had laid her past to rest and Grunt and Mordin, after the events on the Krogan home world.

Partially she had to thank Wrex for this, Grunt had been really impressed by the old battlemaster and in turn by the way, Wrex treated her.

However, if she was honest, she would give a lot to have the old man himself back in her squad.

For all his skills and abilities, Grunt wasn't Wrex. She couldn't talk, couldn't joke with him like she could with Wrex.

Wrex was a friend and comrade in arms, Grunt was... well a Grunt if it really came down to it.

For all his boasting, the test-tube Krogan wanted a leader more than anything.

Shepard had no problem providing said leader, but she yearned for the friendship she shared with the older Krogan.

X

Of all the new squad-members she probably felt closest to Kasumi and Samara so far and Shepard was willing to admit it didn't hurt that both the master thief and the Justiciar were so strikingly beautiful.

_"I'm __allowed __to __look __at __least, __aren't __I?"_ She asked herself.

But she also liked Kasumi's humour and her stories, she was almost envious of the thief's athletic abilities, her agility and gracefulness, and her quarters sometimes seemed to be the only one to reflect the inhabitant's personality

So, disregarding the new recruits they had been looking for here on Ilium she just had to worry about Miranda Lawson and Zaed.

Zaed didn't matter to her. She didn't really want him on the team anyway and trusted him about as far as she could throw him. Which might be quite a few meters with her nanotech- and armour-powered strength but certainly not far enough.

Zaed was good in a brawl, but that was it. Shepard didn't care much for mercenaries in general, loyalty that could be bought was worth nothing in her opinion. And Zaed's plain disregard for innocent lives was an even more dire matter.

He held himself in check so far after their last confrontation, but she would never trust him.  
>As far as she was concerned, he could just rot in his cabin between the few missions she dared take him with her.<p>

X

Miranda was another matter.

Miranda had to be dealt with. Shepard was sure that eventually Cerberus and her ways would part and it would be better if Miranda was on her side then.

She had the feeling that Miranda was content to be under the Spectre's leadership but so far, ultimately her loyalties lay with TIM.

Which was a shame, really. That woman had so much potential, someone with her abilities, her intelligence and character would be able to accomplish great things, if she were to set out on her own, without Cerberus leader to heold her back and her own demons holding her in check.

X

Well, maybe the whole business with Miranda's sister would help solve the problem.

Of course she **would** help the Cerberus officer anyway, but a woman could hope to combine the unavoidable mission to save Miranda's sister with the necessary goal of securing the loyalty of her second in command, couldn't she?

Miranda was a beautiful, intelligent and very capable woman and Shepard really liked her, but to become friends she needed to be able to trust Miranda.

She needed to know that when Miranda had to decide between following Shepard's or TIM's orders, her second in command would choose her side.

Returning her attention to the report, the Spectre smiled over the personal and quite flirtatious note the ensign had added.

Shepard found she liked the pretty, young officer more and more. And it didn't hurt that someone as attractive as Kelly looked at her in such a favourable way.

So far Rain hadn't really allowed herself to think about it, but with the way Liara had rejected her, maybe there could be more than just a one night stand between... no, no, no she didn't love Kelly. There was only one person she loved and that wouldn't change.

No matter what Liara said or did, Rain's heart belonged to the beautiful Asari Maiden and it would take a long time, if ever, to change that.

She sighed and shut down her terminal. She couldn't concentrate anyway, the coffee had gone cold and the biscuits tasted stale.

It was… unbecoming to realize that her resolve was already faltering and that her mind seemed to add an element of eroticism to everything she concentrated on.

She could chalk it up to her loneliness and confusion, but it bothered her immensely nonetheless.

And she felt sad, that thinking of Liara would send her into a gloomy mood.

X

The spectre slowly stripped off her black uniform and folded trousers and shirt to a neat package depositing it on the couch.

It was done with the routine of hundreds of monotonous nights but there was definitely no energy, no drive behind it.

Then she hung the jacket in her wardrobe and took a new set of her usual sleeping attire out of a drawer.

She slipped into a tight, black t-shirt with the N7 insignia on it and a pair of white boxers.

Perhaps this was not the most seductive attire, but there was nobody to see it anyway.

She slipped under the covers and spent the next hour or so trying to find sleep.

Finally, she hugged her biggest pillow to her body and rested her head on it and this way she managed to rest at last.

She woke up hours later and instantly regretted it, in her dream her hands were wrapped around a warm, blue-skinned body, not a big, fluffy pillow. And two big, blue doe eyes looked deep into her obsidian orbs instead of the empty visor of her old banged up helmet.

Until now, Shepard had managed to live with being apart from Liara, she'd told herself to wait until she'd see her love again.

The blonde human had dreamed of their reunion, fantasized about it, longed for it.

After the recent events, she couldn't do this anymore.

X

It was not only because Liara had been so cold and distant to her. It was more like Liara was a totally different person.

Okay, her assistant had spied on her for the Shadow Broker, but Liara had disposed of the woman as if killing her was nothing. She had not even acknowledged Tali and Garrus; she'd treated her former lover like some business associate; worse like some errant boy.

Just where was the sweet and caring woman, who had managed to sink her hooks so deep into Shepard's heart?

Where was the wide-eyed innocence that had been so endearing?

On top of it all, the Spectre couldn't help but somehow, unexplainable feel responsible for these changes.

Her hands slowly wandered up to her face and touched her lips. She tried to remember the way Liara's lips had felt on hers, for that short, short kiss, but couldn't. She tried to remember the feeling of her lover's body beside her on the bed, but it was only a fading memory.

Rain Shepard, saviour of the citadel and first human Spectre spent the rest of the night silently weeping into her pillow.

X

X

* * *

><p>X<p>

X

_**A. N:**_

_Okay, that was this, I actually planned to post this yesterday, but since I posted three chapters already this week, I decided to let one day pass. Since I plan on finishing both "Stars may fade" and "I love Hawke" this week, it's not a bad idea to give me a bit more time._

_The third chapter is almost done, in fact I'm going to finish writing it as soon as I'm done her._

_The fourth chapter will probably consist of three or four smaller parts, one during LOTSB and at least one afterwards, the last one will be set after Shepard returns from the Arrival DLC mission. _


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's notes:**_

_Okay, getting close to the homestretch now. Had to hurry up a bit to post this, since it's almost midnight here in Germany and I don't want to break my promise._

_This chapter has some lime and some fighting and considering the next chapter is going to have some real sex in it, I pondered on changing the rating to M._

_Well, I didn't; because I want to wait until the last chapter possible._

_I'm still very happy with the response to this story, I usually don't get as many reviews and favourites/ alerts in such a short time._

_To everyone who likes this story, please try some of my other stories, if you like either Neon Genesis Evangelion, Star Wars Kotor, Dragon Age or X-Men, there might be something interesting for you._

_I think some of my other stories are much better than this one, because I'm still not quite satisfied with it._

Anyways, as always speech is indicated by""

_Thoughts are indicated by "" and written in cursive._

_**bold** is used to emphasise certain things._

_I'm still looking for a beta reader for my non NGE stories, so if you want to, just contact me._

_X_

_Oh and one last thing, the X's are put in the text by me, because empty lines are deleted by fanfiction,net, the unusual spacing between the lines is not my doing, this is how they translate my regular spaced lines._

_**Disclaimer: Join me in saying that I don't own either the characters nor settings in this story.**_

**Update 5****th**** of January: I rewrote a little bit, mostly just added a few words, there is one longer sequence in the Kasumi part (which I set in bold, so you can find it at once**),** apart from that it's just minor stuff. I also edited out a few more x's 'cause I was told I overdid it :-)**

_**X  
>X<strong>_

**Chapter Three**

**X  
>X<strong>

**From Husk 'till dawn**

X  
>X<p>

Was there no end to this horde?

Husk after Husk swarmed around in this mining complex.

Oh, how she hated husks. There were no enemies she hated more than these reanimated and transformed human corpses.

Each time she faced them, she thought herself a failure, because once more she hadn't been able to save a group of humans.

And it may be a bit embarrassing for humanity's first Spectre to admit, but a part of Shepard's dislike steamed from the fact that Husks were just plain disgusting! Yuck!

X

The reservoir of Husks in this mine on Aequitas, littered with old protean artefacts seemed to be without end. For half an hour Shepard's team had ventured deeper into the caves and the numbers of Husk they encountered had grown each time until it had turned into a seemingly endless stream of the blue-glowing cadavers.

The tide of the battle had begun to turn against them atop an overhead where two set of stairs led to.

The position should have been, but wasn't defensible enough and so Shepard ordered Grunt and Tali to retreat while covering with their shotguns.

To aid in this endeavour, Shepard selected single targets out of the onrushing masses and dropped them with head shots by her hand cannon, checking down the stairs from time to time and sending controlled bursts with her Locust MP to clear their way of any husk, which dared step onto the stairs Shepard's squad was walking down now.

X

Keeping up a steady barrage of Geth Plasma and ME projectiles the trio turned into a narrow corridor and barricaded themselves in after some boulders and containers.

Shepard used her Sniper rifle to pick up enemies from a distance, switching from time to time to her hand cannon and MP, whenever the assault threatened to overcome the shotgun mounted defence.

The situation was dangerous, but solvable, as long as they could keep up with the husk reinforcements, they were relatively safe.

What they needed was a way to get deeper into the complex until they reached the source of this enormous amassing of Husks.

X

Then, without warning, within an instant things changed for the worse.

Tali, huddled behind a big cargo container, let out a small scream.

Shepard saw her fall to the floor under the assault of more than half a dozen blue glowing husks. The moment the monsters would discharge their energies would spell the end for Tali, so instant action was necessary.

Cursing under her breath Shepard let her sniper rifle drop, spew some more cryo-charges out of her hand cannon into two of her attackers who had come to close to her and cleared the stones she had used as cover in one smooth move, simultaneously drawing her Locust MP.

As fast as she could, she ran over to her Quarian squad member, while yelling orders at Grunt who was wadding through groups of enemies lost in the thrill of combat.

"Grunt! Lay some suppression fire. Tali needs help and I need my back clear from this vermin."

"Yes, battlemaster!"

The young test-tube Krogan roared his reply and she could hear the sound of his personal favourite Krogan-sized shotgun again.

Using a smaller stone as a step between, Shepard simply ran over the cargo container and jumped right into the glowing mass of enemies.

She had to work fast. Tali's armour probably would protect her for the time being, but when the husks started to explode, she could be seriously hurt.

The force of the impact and the bulk of her Kestrel armour swatted three of the attackers to the ground along with the former marine. That was a good start.

The moment Shepard was down on the ground she turned around on her back and shot two slugs into the legs of the nearest husk. The legs froze and then simply splintered away before the whole "husk of the husk" dissolved into black particles.

She quickly came back on her feet, pushed her MP into the face of another opponent and let a salvo loose.

She could feel the blows on the armour, as the husks started to attack her.

Growling in rage, her armoured left fist gripped the head of one enemy and simply crushed the skull beneath the ragged glowing skin.

A feet stomping through the chest of one of the fallen zombies took care of the third enemy. The butt of her gun got rid of another one.

It was a kill-husks-free-for-all.

She kicked the husk that still forced Tali to the ground so hard that it almost took its head off, before she turned her attention to the last two attackers and a couple more bursts from her MP dissolved these cadavers as well.

In the meantime, Grunt was hard pressed by the sea of onrushing enemies, but the Krogan seemed to enjoy it, he barked sounds of joy and waded through the horde using just his knife, his feet and the occasional shotgun shot to dispose of his opponents.

Shepard knelt down beside her friend, offered her comrade a hand and helped her to get back up from the ground.

"Are you okay, Tali?"

The Spectre's voice was thickly laced with concern for Tali.

The heavily accented voice of the young Quarian filtered through her suits comm in reply to Shepard's question.

"Yes. Thank you, Shepard. Sorry, they came so fast, I got careless and forgot to reload my shotgun and then they swarmed me, when my pistol ran out of bullets."  
>Shepard couldn't believe it, someone as experienced in combat as Tali was despite her years, should really know better than to let her guard down like this.<p>

The engineer sensed Shepard's distress and felt the need to apologize.

"I'm so, so sorry, Shepard. I know this shouldn't have happened, I…"

The sound of Shepard's Locust interrupted her, as the Spectre quickly gunned down a bunch of attacking husks.

"There's no time for that now, Tali. And no need to. What's done is done and mistakes like this can always happen in combat. The problem is, it can always be your last mistake, you know?

It's just… just that I don't want to lose you, so be more careful next time, okay?"

Tali felt a blush creep up on her face underneath her faceplate.

"_Keelah, I should be helping her; instead I'm even adding to the pressure she has to endure. Still it's nice to see that Shepard cares so much."_

"Tali please stop spacing out! Load your weapons and use them. Even Grunt can only do so much on his own!"

The young Quarian hastily complied and inserted new mags in her guns and then she attentively looked at her Commander, who in turn addressed her:

"Let's try to push them back. We've got to wrap this up somehow."

"But how, Shepard? Shouldn't we wait for reinforcements?"

Shepard angrily shook her head.

"No way, Tali. We don't even know whether we reached the Normandy.

Since communicating with EDI ended before the first wave attacked.

No, we would have to retreat and then stage a second assault with more people, but then we would lose all the ground we already covered.

We need to press further in."

Tali nodded and before she could ask, Shepard continued.

"Okay, let's do it before they bury Grunt completely.

I'll try to flash-fry a few of them and you set your Drone, what's its name- Chiktikka, on them. Then we start blasting away at them as fast as we can.

There can't be an endless supply of them; there weren't that many miners here to begin with."

X

The two women set Shepard's plan in motion. First, they picked of the enemies surrounding Grunt.

Then they used the temporary respite to reload all weapons and inform the Krogan.

When the next group of Husks arrived, Shepard torched the first few enemies with her Omnitool and then both Tali's drone and Grunt's enormous shotgun met them.

Instead of losing time to reload their weapons, the squad simply changed weapons, after they had discharged their first ones.

After this Shepard forced them forward, meter by meter, Husk by Husk until they reached the excavation site and the ancient machinery that produced the despicable enemy.

X  
>X<p>

"Shepard, what's wrong? Why don't we just set off the bombs?"

Tali was feeling anxious, EDI had told them what to do almost ten minutes ago, but Shepard still hadn't started on activating the bombs they'd found already attached to the relic.

Instead, the Commander was busy dispatching Husks.

She was using her hand cannon for it, nothing else.

The Husks attacked in groups of two or three and Shepard waited for them.

When they surrounded her, she quickly smashed them down to the ground with the butt of her gun and ended their existence with a shot to the head.

Through her Helmet visor Tali could see a fierce grin on the human woman's face; her eyes were wide open and blazing.

After she killed the last attacker of this wave, Shepard turned to her friend.

"Never mind me, Tali, you and Grunt can go back to the shuttle. I'll finish this on my own."

"Shepard, that's crazy. It's too dangerous. What if they overwhelm you, or what if you run out of ammo?"

Shepard laughed almost scornfully and Tali felt a sharp twinge of pain and shame.

"Don't worry about me. There's not so many left, for them to be a problem."

"But I don't understand, Commander. Why are you doing this? We could just set the bombs and the husks would be destroyed anyway."

"No particular reason. I just decided I wanted to kill fifty of these bastards, by shooting them after I knocked them down."

In that moment another two Husks arrived and flung themselves at Shepard.

Far from being daunted, the marine smacked the first one to the ground, shot him, pried the second one of her left arm, hit him over the head with the butt of her gun and shot him in one smooth motion.

"Shit! I think those were the last of them, but I'm only up to 48."

Tali shook her head. She walked up to her friend clasped her shoulders, shaking her a bit.  
>"Rain, please! What would it ever be good for? Please, stop it! Please, just talk to me!"<p>

X

The spectre took off her helmet and ran a finger through her sweaty blond strands. She looked at the young Quarian with an almost innocent expression, smiled softly and shook her head.  
>"I'm sorry, Tali. I'm not crazy or anything, I just wanted to take out some of my frustration… I guess. Think about it, Tali. 50 enemies killed by shooting them after I knocked them down before. Wouldn't it have been quite the <strong>Achievement?"<strong>

Tali didn't have an answer. She didn't even know whether her friend really meant what she had said, whether she was just joking or whether the stress was finally getting to Shepard.

If Shepard really did it just to vent, then maybe she should just vent as well, with an omnitool on the Spectre's head.

So instead of answering she just prepped the bombs and set the timers.

X

Later, in the shuttle Tali's eyes wandered inadvertently to her friend, again and again. Shepard seemed relax and at peace, but underneath the exterior the Quarian felt something amiss with the commander. Almost as if Shepard kept herself on a very short leash, which was already straining under the pressure put on her.

Not for the first time Tali wondered, if she shouldn't just call Liara.

Maybe demand an explanation for the cold behaviour against Shepard, maybe just beg her to reconcile with the human again.

She didn't really know what she wanted to say to Liara, but she knew that Shepard was missing something, something important and even if her conduct didn't show it, even if she remained the same calm, friendly commander there were times when you could see under mask and feel the pure longing the Spectre tried to hide.

X

X

X

Shepard threw herself down on the couch next to Kasumi and let her head sink back against the rest.

"I'm so sick of these Husks, 'sumi-chan. I've seen about as many of them decompose as I'm able to stand."

**She sighed and glanced sideways at her friend, who didn't reply at first to Shepard's complaints, then the Japanese woman answered, her voice as usual full of humour.**

"**I know, Shep', I know. It's not like I didn't hear you the five times you already told me, how much you hate every kind of husk you ever had to meet.**

**Whether it'd be the ones produced by Geth, the thorian's or now the ones the collector's create."**

"**Well… it's the truth. That's what I'm telling you here. Come on, indulge me a little bit, it took 2 hours to get their remains off my armour and Tali was angry at me, because I acted a little over the top down in the mine."**

"**So that's why you are here, instead of having fun with your favourite engineer? Now I'm hurt Shepard, I'm only the second choice. What's next? You're going to ask Miranda "Ice Box" Lawson to hunt the bars on Omega?"**

**Shepard tiredly pressed the bridge of her nose between thumb and index finger before she answered.  
>"Don't be silly, 'sumi-Chan. Tali's my friend, but so are you and Tali has not many interests except Ships, Weapons and killing Geths. I can't talk to her about human literature or music, because she's not into that kind of entertainment."<strong>

**Kasumi smirked in the depths of her hood.**

"**Now I don't know whether to be happy, because you see me as a friend or if I should be annoyed because you just came to me because I can hold my end of the conversation."**

**Shepard growled tiredly.  
>"Kasumi, stop it! I know you think this is funny, but I'm tired: Can't we just relax for a bit?"<strong>

**Kasumi ruffled Shepard's hair and laughed.**

"**Don't get your panties in a knot Shepard, alright? It's just so easy sometimes, I can't resist. Besides someone has to help you relax, you can't keep the uptight persona on 24-7 without going totally bonkers.**

**I'm here to make sure you don't take yourself to seriously and don't forget to have fun."**

**Shepard couldn't help herself, she giggled like a girl and felt absolutely silly. **

**Kasumi really brought out the worst- or the best- in her, but Shepard didn't need to talk to Kelli or Dr. Chakwas to realize that she needed something to ease off the enormous amount of pressure. **

**The Spectre was a control freak, she knew this best of all, but even someone like her had to let go of her inhibitions once or twice in a longer period of time.**

**And Kasumi was there for her, to listen to her complaints, to dive into the bars with her and Garrus, when they arrived in a new port, to get drunk senselessly, to just have fun.**

**And to top it all, the thief always made sure no one in the crew saw Shepard inebriated or out of control, she even arranged it with Miranda to keep the crew on board for the on evening during shore leave, when Shepard needed to let herself go. **

**She never said one word about it, she just did it on her own and didn't expect anything for it and that was one of the things that had turned the two women into fast friends.**

**Thinking about this, Rain let her eyes wander back to the Japanese woman**.

The master thief lifted herself off the furniture with catlike grace, granting Shepard a nice view of her perfect buns in her skin-tight body armour.

X

_"She's just a friend, Marine and you've already got someone."_

She reprimanded herself, but couldn't shake her gaze of the softly swaying package in front of her.

As if she felt Rain's eyes on her behind, Kasumi sent her a smouldering look over her shoulder.

"Enjoying the view, Shepard?"

"Well, the way you flaunt it at me sometimes, 'sumi-chan, one might think you are trying to get me to look."

Kasumi smirked and continued on her way to the bar.

"Maybe I am, Shepard. Maybe I am… Well, I don't really mind, but … maybe I just like to tease you, ever since I learned that you prefer your own gender."

The Thief filled two long drink glasses with a bright blue liquid and balanced them back to the small table in front of the couch.

Then she sat down again, besides Shepard, lifted her feet from the ground and let them rest on the seating as well, before she let her head sink on the rest beside Shepard, shoulder leaning against shoulder.

"It's not really like that 'sumi-chan. It's the person who counts, not gender or race."

"So you would have fallen for your little scientist if she was a Krogan or a Batarian?"

Shepard laughed guiltily.

"I never said anything about looks. Of course someone as beautiful as Liara has more attraction at first, but if she wasn't as beautiful inside as she is outside, then I wouldn't have…"

Shepard paused, with a sigh before she continued sadly.

"I wouldn't have fallen so desperately in love with her."

X

Kasumi shifted her body uncomfortably; she felt a shiver running over her back.

She had heard this emotion before, she herself spoke with this emotion, when she talked about Keiji and for one moment she wondered, which was worse. To have lost someone you loved so much through death or being left with a faint hope of reconciliation like Shepard was?

At least she could come to terms with her grief, while Shepard's anguish continued.

Still, hope no matter how faint, had to be worth something.

This kind of thinking grew exceedingly to dark for this evening. A distraction was needed.

X

"Say, Shepard? Why do you call me 'sumi-chan and I call you Shepard?

Shouldn't I call you something more… I don't know… more endearing perhaps?"

"What exactly would be a more endearing term?"

"No idea… what about Rai-chin? Or maybe…I'll call you sempai, since you are older than me."

Shepard squirmed a little bit and answered a bit reluctantly.  
>"Sorry, 'sumi-chan. I don't think it would be appropriate, if you call your commanding officer Rai-chin. "<p>

"Shepard, you dung-head; I don't want to call you that in public, I meant it to be a nickname for when we're having fun or are relaxing, like just now."

Shepard's cheeks reddened, because of the slight misunderstanding.

"Oh! Umm. Then it's okay I guess. Just call me whatever you like. Although I would prefer if you'd just call me Rain, if Shep' or Shepard are not good enough."

"No fair, Shepard! You should get a suffix as well, why am I the only one with a proper suffix?"

"Shit, Kasumi; it's not like I'm Japanese, just partly Japanese and it's a very small part. So it's not really necessary."

"You are a rotten liar! It has nothing to do with it. I bet you just think it's embarrassing if I give you a cutesy nickname."

Shepard couldn't help but laugh about the outrage in Kasumi's voice.

When she started laughing, her friend gave her an angry look, and then the laughter proved infectious and the Master thief started giggling as well.

X

When the laughter subsided Shepard admitted jokingly:  
>"I can't really argue that, Kasumi. I have to consider my reputation as a commanding officer. It would be ruined, totally ruined, if a sneaky, little thief like you would call me 'nee-san or something like that."<p>

Kasumi's eyes flashed in mock anger and in a fluid motion she pounced on Shepard and started to tickle her.

"You are so going to pay for calling me sneaky and little!"

The Spectre struggled weakly through the giggling fits Kasumi generated.  
>"St-stop it! I mean (giggle) it, Ka-kasumi! I order (giggle) you, t-to (bwahahaha) st-stop it."<p>

The thief continued mercilessly.

"I-I'll have you shot f-for as-as-assaulting a sup-superior of-f-f-f-fficer… I…"

This continued for some time until Shepard, her face deeply red from laughing and out of breath, finally really had enough and caught Kasumi's wrists in her hands.

They both panted, trying to get their breaths back.

Then a few things became painfully clear to Shepard.

Kasumi was lying on her. And her body felt very good and comfortably warm against Shepard's. And, damn it, weren't Kasumi's deep blue eyes extraordinarily beautiful and those cherry blossom lips, seemed to just beg to be kissed. Shepard started to lose herself in the deep dark pools before her.

"Shepard?"

Kasumi, sounding somewhat timid woke Shepard from her reverie.

"You could let go of my hands so I could get off of you, you know."

Shepard thought about it for a moment.

"Maybe, I don't want to."

Kasumi looked deep into Shepard's eyes, recognizing a glimmer of… lust?

Somehow it excited her tremendously. She squirmed and wriggled her body a bit until her right thigh rested between Shepard's and then applying just a tiny bit of pressure she moved her leg upward.

Her move was awarded by a sweet gasp from Shepard and an even deeper red adorning the commander's cheeks.

"Oh my Shep, what kind of a sweet sound was that? Do you like it when I do that?"

She repeated the motion and again Shepard couldn't help but moan.

"Whoa! Kasumi! You're treading some dangerous ground here, I'm starving for affecmmmph."

Shepard was silenced by Kasumi's lips closing on hers.

The thief pressed her mouth hard on the Spectre's and then her tongue flicked once, twice across Shepard's lips, begging for entrance.

With a sigh Shepard complied. Her hands let go of Kasumi's and wrapped themselves around the other woman's body, pulling the thief closer to her.

Their lips played and tangled with each other, first Kasumi's tongue invaded Shepard's mouth, then the Spectre started a counter attack.

Rain's hands left Kasumi's back, with her left under the thief's cowl she cradled her cheek, deepening the kiss, while her right hand slowly caressed a trail down from Kasumi's back along her side, over her hips and butt, to her thigh.

The Spectre grabbed Kasumi's behind and pulled it towards her, yearning for the pressure and friction it generated.

Finally the kiss ended and both woman fought for breath, still staring into the other's face.

"We... we should probably stop, 'sumi-chan. You (pant) are still grieving for Keiji and I'm pining for Liara. (pant) It will probably be..."

"Oh shut up, Rain! You know you want me and I want you. (pant) We are both adults, you're already one of the best (pant) friends I ever had. What's wrong with having a little bit of fun? (pant)Kami-sama, if anybody needs it badly, it's the two of us(pant).

Since Keiji's death no one has touched me and I'm sick of it(pant)."

Shepard wasn't so willing to give in, stars above she wanted Kasumi, she felt like ripping her armour of her and ravish her on the spot, but wishing it didn't make it right.  
>"N-no, 'sumi I love you as a friend and comrade-in arms, but I'm not in love with you.<p>

This is wrong, I should go. I should..."

She stopped when Kasumi's fingers shushed her lips.

The thief slowly removed her cowl, revealing her glossy, jet-black silken hair.

Then she pushed herself up, so that she was straddling Shepard and slowly undid the fastenings of her suit, revealing a pink lacy bra and creamy, white skin.

Shepard's eyes couldn't leave the sight in front of her.

Of course she knew Kasumi was beautiful, anybody could see this.

But this? This was a revelation.

The thief's beautiful features framed and accentuated by her short hair, the swelling curves of her breasts, heaving with each heavy breath.

The rosy shimmer on that perfect pale skin.

Shepard felt hunger for this beauty before her, like almost never before.

This was pure unadulterated lust. The heat between Shepard's thigh's became almost unbearable.

Kasumi noticed the way the Spectre's eyes were practically glued to her body.

And she liked it, she had felt the attraction between them from the start and it wasn't just physical, Shepard was funny and charming and one of the most decent people she'd ever met.

True, they both had their own personal problems to overcome and for the moment all she wanted was a little relief and fun, but over time who was to say there couldn't be more.

With that in mind she slid out of the arms of her suit, so that she was nude to her hips, except for the bra and she got rid of that an instant later.

She moved her ass in a circular motion on Shepard's crotch and was rewarded by Shepard instantly pushing her hips up against her and drawing in a short, almost violently choked breath.

Shepard was still taking in the wonderful sight before her, her resolve melting like ice under a summer sun. Was it really that bad to give in to passion for once?

Kasumi suddenly took Shepard's hand in hers and placed it between her breasts.  
>"Can you feel my heart beat, Rain? It beats so fast because I want you so badly."<p>

She didn't give her time to react though, because she dived in for Shepard's lips again.

Rain's hand was caught between their chests, she could feel Kasumi's warmth through her thin shirt, the delicious feeling of her breasts moving against Rain's with every little motion.

The Spectre had felt so devoid of emotions that it now felt overwhelming.

This kiss was even more passionate than the first one and the last shred of Shepard's rational mind was swept away under the onslaught of feelings and pleasure.

X

X

X

X

_**A. N:**_

_Hopefully the naughty part wasn't too bad, I'm still very unsure about my ability to write stuff like that._

_Please review, even if it's just with one line, reviews are what get's me going. It's one of the ways I measure my success as a writer._


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's notes:**_

_So, this is it, the final chapter! Pheww! Somehow I'm glad that's over with._

_What started as small 1000-2000 word piece evolved into a 23.000+ monster._

_I think I'll have to wait for ME III to get inspiration for more Shepard/ Liara goodness, but there might be something with either Tali or Kasumi._

_Poor, Kasumi she's such a great character, but there's no possible romance ingame and she doesn't even get proper dialogue and even though I promised myself not to do it, she loses in my story as well, as Shepard returns to his one true love, leaving 'sumi-Chan with nothing but the memories of Keiji._

_And how I complained to **DoubleMMia** that Kasumi is only second best to Miranda in her excellent story "Ramen and Cherry Lambrini"_

_Read it, it 's funny, well written and has one of the craziest not fully Renegade Shepard's I've ever read. Well, I think she's crazy, Mia thinks she is just a little highstrung when she feels challenging emotions._

_Oh and it's Miranda/ FemShep if I forgot to mention that._

_X_

**_One important point. Since I didn't want to change the rating and the lemon grew bigger and bigger I decided to publish it as an extra story._**

**_So the best way to read it would be to open both this chapter and the lemon and then to read this chapter, until you reach the warning I'm gonna put in and then continue with the lemon before you return to this chapter again, for the ending._**

**_And it's not just sex, there's also some talking between them._**

_XX_

As always speech is indicated by""

_Thoughts are indicated by "" and written in cursive._

_**bold** is used to emphasise certain things._

_I'm still looking for a beta reader for my not NGE related stories, so if you want to, just contact me._

_Disclaimer: It's all mine, mine you hear me!_

_No, it's not, but what would I be without my delusions?_

X

* * *

><p><strong>Update 5<strong>**th**** of January: I rewrote a lot of stuff in this last chapter and in the Lemon. I don't know if it's a totally new experience now :-), but I feel it reads more fluid and the different parts fit better. Also it is more than a thousand words longer.**

X

X

**Chapter 4**

**X  
>X<strong>

**Culmination:**

**X  
>X<strong>

_"What has my life come to, that a traitor like Varsir can accuse me like this and I've nothing to answer to her?_

_If the ends justify the means, if I could work with Cerberus after all they have done, how am I any better than her?_

_This is… this is so pissing me off. I feel like barfing up my whole insides_

_It's making me sick, but I never had any chance._

_You know it, Rain. If not for Cerberus you wouldn't have had any ressources to fight the collectors. It was fighting one evil, with a lesser evil._

_And don't forget the good people you might never have met. Jacob, Miranda, Kelly, Goldstein, Gabby and Ken. EDI, without Cerberus there wouldn't be an EDI."_

Shepard slowly shook her head, sighed and stood up.

After a last glance at the body of the Asari Spectre before her, she slowly walked back to the apartment Liara had already entered moments before.

Varsir had been a traitor and she'd tried to kill the woman Shepard loved, but Shepard felt her death was a waste and her words had hurt, even though there was a difference between fighting alongside Cerberus for the survival of humanity or being an Assassin for a murderous criminal like the Shadow broker, who consorted with the collectors.

Lost in her thoughts, her eyes did not catch much of the surroundings, but the first security forces had arrived and were questioning the civilians all over the terraces.

X

Shepard's eyes met Tali's visor. The Quarian seemed to watch her with the usual concern for her friend and commander.

"Are you okay, Shepard?"

"I didn't really plan on killing another rogue Spectre today, if that is what you mean, Tali."

The young engineer's helmeted head nodded.

"Yes. That and... Liara."

Shepard laughed a short, dry- and joyless laughter.

"You noticed? She still treats me like... I don't know.

She keeps my old armour. She leaves hints only I can decipher, but she doesn't care one bit when I fall down a building...

I don't really understand her anymore. Before I died, back on the old Normandy, I was sure I knew her better than everybody else. I've never felt closer to anybody, not my mother or my brother, not even to my dad before he died.

And now?

She's so cold to me, to you, to everybody really.

I'm still searching for the warm, caring Liara I know existed, but I fail to see her, when I look at what she has become now."

X

From the corner of her eyes Shepard noticed the ever approaching security officers. This interrupted her train of thought, which probably was a good thing, since it had turned into her usual depressive stanza.

For weeks now she had been in a depression, ever since they had returned from the suicide mission. Ever since the thread of the collectors was destroyed, she had lost her drive.

No Urgent missions, no call for help… that left too much time for reminiscing about what she had lost. Her thoughts had centred on Liara for most of the time.

Images of her beautiful former lover haunted her nights and tormented her through the days.

Shepard shook her head, she was working with Liara now, they had a chance to stop the Shadow broker and perhaps they could even manage to mend what was broken in their relationship.

"Do me a favour, Tali. I need to talk to my Asari Icebox for a moment. Call the police lieutenant we helped with Samara and the mercs, and tell her to get these stooges of our backs, okay?

I could use my status as a Spectre, but with Varsir, here, I'd rather not."

"Of course Shepard... and good luck."

The human simply nodded and motioned for the apartment door to open.

X  
>X<br>X

Inside, Liara was listening on her Omni tool to the disk they had just retrieved; it was the Shadow broker's kill order for her.

"Varsir is dead."

Liara didn't react to the news, she acted as if Shepard had not spoken to her at all.

"I'm putting the data through to the Normandy's computer. We can be at the Shadow broker's base in a few hours. He'll know about Varsir before long. If he decides to kill Feron..."

"We'll get Feron out of there alive, Liara. I promise."

Liara stopped for a moment then continued on her way, just to turn around and face Shepard.

"I know. You're here to help. Just like always."

Her voice sounded resigned and Shepard again felt like she took a blow to her guts.

"That's not a good thing?"

She kept her voice steady, but part of her hurt feelings over what appeared to be rejection on Liara's part again, came through.

Liara's reply still had an edge to it.

"When we first met on Therum, you saved me from the Geth. You fought a Krogan Battlemaster while I cowered. Now you're doing it again. And I'm still leaning on you for help."

Each word was like a cold shower. If Liara, of all people, couldn't lean on her for help, who could? Or to put it another way, Shepard usually chose to help anybody in trouble or need, how could it be wrong to help the person closest to her heart?

She tried to put this message in her next words.

"That's what friends do, Liara."

Liara just turned away from her and continued through the apartment.

Well, ignoring Shepard's words was an answer in itself.

"I can get us there, based on Sekat's data. The Normandy's stealth drive will keep them from detecting us. The Shadow Broker's agents are still shooting their way through Ilium. With luck, they won't notice we've left until it's too late."

_"I'm definitely not hearing this. This is not the Liara I know. This is somebody else,"_

"That's a little bit cold. They killed innocent people."

Inside her, Rain felt like she wanted to scream at the Asari.

_"That is what it's about! Saving the innocent and mourning every single one we lose, that is my job; to protect the helpless, the weak. This is what I do. How can you, the woman I love stomp on everything that is important for me . How can you be so callous?"_

When Liara answered, her voice sounded strained and a bit hurt; at least it showed some reaction.

"You know what I mean."

Like hell Shepard knew; it was starting to feel like she knew nothing at all about the person in front of her.

"Do I? When I hit the ground back at the trade centre, you went after Varsir without a backward look."  
>When the Asari maiden answered her voice was cold and controlled like before.<p>

"A little fall wasn't going to kill you. I had to stay on Varsir. I had to stay rational, make the call. Like I did with Sekat."

Liara rested on the balustrade, her eyes wandering almost melancholy over the cityscape.

Maybe what she said was right, but it would have been nice for Shepard to get at least a small sign, that her fate was of any concern to her former lover.

Yet she still wanted to help Liara with the feelings of guilt she now perceived from her. Leaning on the Balcony beside her, she replied.

"That's Varsir's fault, not yours."

"Sekat had no idea what the stakes were. I put him in harm's way to get the data I needed. I got him killed. And I'd do it again."

The Spectre really didn't want to hear the young Asari say this. She, Shepard was the one who had to make hard decisions like this. Not her sweet, innocent lover.

"But from here on out, things will be simple. Get in, get Feron, get out."

The blue skinned beauty continued on her way, with Shepard following. The wreck of the burning aircar accentuated her next statement fittingly.

"And kill anyone who tries to stop us."

Shepard boiling point was reached. This... charade had to stop.

"That's it?"

She exclaimed angrily.

"That's it!"

"Will you just stop for a second? We'll be jumping several light years. There's time to talk."

Liara turned and watched the spectre casually.

"About what."

About what? Was she really that thick or was everything connected to her former love so alien to the Asari now that she couldn't understand it?

"About us!"

Shepard stated firmly, hoping to put enough emphasis on it to show how important it was for her.

Liara took a step closer to her, her beautiful emerald eyes for once open and defenceless like they used to be.

"Shepard, listen. I'm... glad you're here..."

Sadly now, Shepard was too hurt to stay calm. The pent up frustration and shame about the way she'd been treated last time on Ilium spoke through her.

"You worried there might be terminals you need me to hack?"

She didn't like talking to Liara like that, but now at least finally there was a hint of emotion in her voice, maybe the Spectre still meant at least something to her.

"That's not fair. You were dead!"

She sounded hurt, her bright eyes seemed to shimmer with unshed tears, but Shepard needed to bring her point across.

"I came back."

It's not that easy. You can't come back and have two years of mourning suddenly vanish!"

Liara's face showed her sadness and hurt, but it was not like Shepard had any influence on this. Was she supposed to just give up the first person she really loved? It was good to get a second chance, wasn't it?

The Asari maiden pressed her palm against her forehead for a moment, as if something inside her head was bothering her.

"I'm sorry, Shepard. I can't get into this. For now, let's just focus on getting Feron back."

"Fine!"

X

Shepard turned around and walked away without any further word. She'd be damned if she let Liara see her tears.

_"I didn't choose this. I died kicking and screaming, clutching at my throat, at my oxygen tanks. Because I didn't want to die and leave you. I cried the first night, after Cerberus had awakened me, because of the time we__'d lost."_

She opened her visor to wipe her eyes.

_"I only felt gratitude when you told me you had given Cerberus my body to be revived. I thought you did it 'cause you couldn't let me go. Because you wanted me back. Why do you blame me, Liara? Why?_

_Oh Fuck! This is all so messed up!_

_We beat the Collectors, so why can't I get a break at last? I want her back!_

_I WANT HER BACK!"_

Her anger filled her to the brim. She wasn't going to just lay down and die. She was going to fight for her love. This time Liara wouldn't be able to send her away without the situation between them resolved one way or the other. No, that wasn't enough.

"_Damn it, I'm not giving up on her. I'll see this through and I'll make her talk, so that we'll finally get this out in the open."_

X

* * *

><p>X<p>

The kiss was everything it was supposed to be. It was sweet and passionate and full of pent-up emotions and each second it lasted washed away months of pain and regret. Shepard had almost forgotten how good Liara felt in her arms, but now she heard a whole orchestra play Beethoven's "ode to joy" inside her head.  
>She tasted Liara's lips on hers, tasted the salty wetness of her tears and the fresh sweetness of her saliva.<p>

All around her the monitors and screens in the Shadow Broker's HQ were turned off or working on standby, the atmosphere in the room was still filled with leftovers from their fight against it's former master.

Ozone from the use of biotics and weapons, mixed with the animalistic smell of the Yagh, but all this was pushed into the deepest recesses of Shepard's awareness as all concentrated on the slim form of the Asari in her arms.

She breathed in deeply to savour the smell of her love. She strengthened her grip a bit around the delicate body in her arms, to enjoy every moment of contact even more.

No matter what happened in the future, this kiss and how the Asari clung to her, proved beyond any doubt that Liara still loved her and with that realization all the weariness and hardships, all the pain that had accumulated inside her ever since she first saw her lover again. It all melted away into nothingness.

Shepard was whole again, for the first time since awakening on a bed in a Cerberus lab, she was whole again.

X

* * *

><p>X<p>

Shepard revelled in the afterglow of their lovemaking, Liara lay beside her and Shepard's eyes wandered along a well sculpted blue leg, the curve of her hips, the exciting rise of her breast with the perky nipples, just a bit darker than the glowing blue skin and a little bit to the violet side, the elegant curve of her neck and her bewitching features. She even started to count the endearing little freckles.

Shepard drank the sight before her, like a wanderer lost in the dessert would drink at the first water hole. Her eyes had been starving for this view, no her whole being had starved for this.

The Spectre felt so happy, she could almost cry with tears of joy.

Sighing blissfully, she scooted over to Liara and wrapped her arms around the slender Asari frame, pulling her closer in a tight embrace.

The Maiden was startled for a moment, but then she snuggled up to Shepard so that she was lying on top of the human, her head resting against the Spectre's cheek.

They both sighed contently and giggled when they heard the other.

Shepard tenderly kissed Liara's head folds, relishing in the taste of Liara on her lips.

She couldn't help smiling. She was so full of happiness, it was a wonder she didn't just burst.

X

Suddenly she remembered something about their earlier conversation.

"You know, Liara, I wasn't joking."  
>The Asari's sparkling, blue eyes met her dark, brown orbs with a look of mild curiosity in her beautiful face. The sight of her alien lover looking up to her, with all that love in her eyes was worth the stars to Rain.<p>

"You weren't joking? When... I mean about what... what were you not joking about?"

Shepard gently caressed the Asari's head-folds with her right hand, running a finger through the length of one.

"About staying together. About having kids. I never had any interest in a family, since I figured I would fly up and down the known galaxy in service to the Alliance or the Citadel, but it's different now that I have you.

So, I wasn't joking. I want to be with you and I want to have a family with you, when this is all over.

The Me from before I met you wouldn't believe it, but I see myself in 30-40 years and I know, as long as I'm alive I'll be by your side."

X

Liara smiled coyly and Shepard's heart warmed at this display of the "old" Liara. More proof that the change in her alien lover wasn't as deep as she'd first thought. That at least part of her armour was gone, now that Feron was free and the Shadow Broker defeated.

"I'm happy that you feel this way, I really am, but I'm still a bit young for this, Shepard. Asari are usually much older when they produce offspring.

Not that it's biologically impossible, it's just that... I think I'm not quite ready for it. Not now! Not with our uncertain future, not with the Reaper invasion looming over us."

The Asari paused for a moment, bringing her thoughts in order. She blushed a little bit and bit her lower lip, she just hoped Shepard would believe her and not question her motives. She hoped the trust between them was really fully restored.

"I-I really want to, though, Y-you know? I want kids with you, it's just that..."

Her voice broke, her eyes full of uncertainty, searched the Spectre's features.

"Of course, kitten. I guess I understand. I didn't mean now or in the near future, but whenever you are ready, I'll be there."

Liara pushed herself up and glanced down on her human lover. Her eyes shimmered wetly and after a moment tears ran down her face, although she was still smiling.

Shepard's hand,, almost as if on it's own volition reached up to cup the Asari's left cheek and gently wipe away the tears.

"No need to cry, love. I told you before, no more crying today."

"Rain, I do want children with you one day, but I don't want to hurry it. There are so many things to consider... there..."

Shepard nodded, it was all more than understandable, in fact she had already had similar thoughts. After a moment Liara continued.

"But what if I wait to long? You humans simply don't life as long as we Asari. Technically it is possible that you die b-before I-I reach the point in my life-cycle where it would b-be n-natural t-to have ch-children."

Liara stopped, her face twisting with different feelings, clearly this conversation was taking a heavy emotional toll.

Shepard pulled Liara back down to her and embraced her tightly. The Asari's eyes still shimmered wet, but for now she managed to hold back the tears.

"I'm sorry Liara, but I have bad news for you. You see, with the two protean beacons and the Lazarus Project, I'm technically not really human anymore.

My brain, my body chemistry, my organs, so much of me has changed, that you can't really tell what my life expectancy might be, but Mordin Solus assures me that I'll probably have a few hundred years before me. Provided that we survive the Reapers, of course."

"You mean, you... That you won't... I won't be left alone? You can stay by my side and we can rise our children together?"

Liara beamed at her and the innocent, happy expression was so much like the Liara she had met more than 2 and a half years ago, the Liara she had fallen in love with, that Rain couldn't find any words, so she simply nodded and held her love tightly to her body.

They didn't speak anymore, just content to be close to each other, sharing an occasional kiss or tender touch.

Soon they both sank into sleep, exhausted by their hour of passion and the soul opening conversation.

X

* * *

><p>X<p>

Liara turned around smiling to greet her human lover; it had been some time since Shepard had last visited and the giant room that was the Shadow Broker's command centre seemed to lighten up considerably when she saw her.

It wouldn't be wrong to say she had missed Rain and she was eager to tell the human the plan she had made for the next few days.

The smile vanished from her beautiful features a few moments later when she saw the emotionless mask on the Spectre's face.

"Hello Liara... How are you doing?"

The voice was polite but totally restrained and controlled. It was Shepard's "official" voice, the voice she used when she interacted with people in her capacity as a Spectre and Soldier.

The young Asari chose to ignore it for the time being and hurried over to embrace her love, pressing her body against the Uniform-clad woman's and showering her face with kisses.

Something relaxed in the Spectre's body and she almost fell into the embrace and returned the kisses hungrily by claiming the Asari's soft, plush lips.

It seemed a small eternity when Shepard finally broke the kiss, gasping for air, but she still held tightly onto her Asari lover.

"What's wrong Shepard? What happened?"  
>Remembering Kaidan, she asked concerned.<p>

"Did someone die? Is Tali okay? Did anything happen to Garrus or one of the others?"

In the blink of an eye Shepard's body went rigid again.

She laughed hard and cold and even pushed her lover an arm's length away.

She turned her back towards her and walked a few metres, acting as if she was concentrating on one of the many monitor set-ups in the Shadow Broker's lair.

"Did someone die? You could say that..."

She murmured tonelessly and wouldn't say anymore after this, she just waited until Liara had collected her luggage and then denied any help while carrying it to the waiting Shuttle.

How did the humans say? "Cat got your tongue?"

That was the way Shepard acted, she wouldn't answer with more than monosyllabic words and wouldn't explain what she'd meant by her cryptic sentence earlier.

Somehow this made Liara remember how she had felt when she saw Shepard again after she had delivered her body to Cerberus. She had the feeling that Rain was keeping herself on a tight leash, just like the Asari had back then.

**X**

Meeting Shepard again on Ilium for the first time had been torture, but somehow she had managed to cling onto her anger, her guilt and the debt she owed to Feron, she had used all of this as a shield to keep her longing for the Commander in check and act all business like.

Just one short moment when she first saw her, when she first looked into these deep dark eyes, those eyes that burned with so much fire and anger for everyone fighting on the wrong side and yet for her they just radiated warmth and love.

This one moment, when she allowed herself to kiss Shepard and relaxed in the feeling of her Spectre's strong arms around her body, was all she granted herself.

It had hurt her so much, but at the same time she knew it had hurt Shepard even more.

And how the human had fought with herself not to utter one harsh or angry word, no matter how cold and professional Liara acted, when the Asari could see the pain in those brown eyes, in the rigidly set face of her former love (not that her feelings had changed at all, but she simply couldn't allow herself the luxury of giving in to them).

It had grown worse and worse, until everything came crashing down inside her, when the Shadow Broker was defeated.

The first kiss she stole from Shepard... and Shepard stopping her with her lips, when she tried to make up excuses and explanations.

Goddess! With one kiss she was turned into her giddy old, innocent self again, yearning for nothing but that dashing, heroic, human commander who'd saved her.

Even if she managed to talk all rational about it when Shepard visited next, in reality she hungered for nothing but Rain's love.

It was only the fear of losing her again that kept the Asari's emotions in check.

Her defences, already in shatters after becoming the new Broker crumpled completely in a matter of a few minutes in Shepard's quarters.

Yes, Shepard couldn't really promise her survival, but Liara realised in that moment, living without Rain would be even worse than losing her one day and besides, she planned to either live with the Spectre or die without her, other possibilities weren't considered anymore.

X

X

Even on board the Normandy, Shepard didn't lower her guard and her replies to Liara's questions grew ever harsher.

Shepard carried their luggage from the Shuttle bay to the elevator, Only reacting to her crew's salute and ignoring anything more personal.

In the Elevator she pressed the express button, to make sure no one would be able to join them and that the elevator travelled straight to her captain's quarters.

Inside her room she dropped the bags before the wardrobe, walked over to her desk, opened a drawer and produced a bottle of terran brandy. She grabbed a glass and poured a generous amount of the golden liquid into it, downing it in one gulp, failing to at least offer some to Liara. All without saying anything.

The Asari made a humorous remark about it and the Spectre spat back an angry reply.

Startled by the unfamiliar bitterness in Shepard's voice (at least directed at her, since they became lovers again) Liara moved closer to the human and studied her, concern written all over her freckled face.

Shepard avoided her eyes and went so far as to avert her head.

Gently but resolutely the blue-skinned maiden caught the blondes' chin in a long fingered hand and turned her head back so that their eyes met.

Liara couldn't suppress a gasp, when she saw the bleak despair emitting out of Shepard's dark eyes.

Surprised she let go of her love and watched Shepard turn away from her again, until she stood there, head hanging low, facing the blank wall beside her bed.

The Asari scientist quickly followed the human and let her arms slide under Shepard's, catching her in a tender hug from behind while she pressed her body against the strong back of her partner.

Nestling her face in the crook of Shepard's neck, she whispered softly.

"Please Rain; tell me what's wrong with you. I can't stand seeing you like this."

She almost never called Shepard by her first name out loud, no one really ever did, so when she did now it was to emphasize their closeness and how important it was for her to help her love.

At the same time Liara still felt unsure, it hadn't been more than three months since she took over the title of Shadow Broker and finally managed to overcome her conflicting emotions and reconcile with her human lover.

Perhaps Shepard still harboured resentments against her for the way she had treated her.

For a moment Liara felt the human tense up in her embrace, before she relaxed with an audible, little sigh and let her body rest against the Asari.

Shepard's hands closed over the maiden's and she turned her head to kiss her alien lover chastely.

Then the Spectre just let her cheek rest against Liara's, cherishing the slightly higher warmth of the Asari's skin.

Liara felt the muscles in her lovers face move a few times as if she opened her mouth to speak, but it stopped each time before a sound left her.

Finally she started to talk in a quiet and calm voice, sounding totally bare of emotion; nevertheless Liara recognized the pain hidden inside.

"The mission the Admiral sent me on… It was… The reapers found another way into the galaxy.

They were going to use a standard portal in a star system controlled by the batarians."

She paused and freed herself of Liara's arms, but it wasn't meant as a rejection, because the human just turned around and let herself sink onto the bed, pulling the Asari down with her, so that they both came to sit side by side on the edge of their bedstead.

Shepard rested her elbows on her knees and supported her head with her hands, hiding her face behind her palms.

Liara crouched down next to her, embraced her from behind, resting her head on Shepard's shoulder and leaning her cheek against the commanders, again.

They remained in this position, while Shepard haltingly told her story and explained the massive guilt burdening her.

"**You know I have no love for Batarians, we've all seen what slavery does to it's victims, My brother still has nightmares about the time the Batarians attacked the colony he was stationed on. He told me everything, everything. What they did to the colonists, that were deemed to old or too young to become slaves, or who dared to fight back. How they massacred almost everybody in his company. He only survived, because they believed him to be dead, but Derek has never been the same since then.**

**A part of him died, that day…**

… **but 300.000 people, how can I live with this? There were children, old people, women. Liara there must have been slaves, there must have been thousands of humans, probably. I should have... There had to be another way…"**

**X**

**They shed tears together at the thought of the innocent batarians, the innocent slaves, dying that day. The voice of reason inside Rain clearly saw the scales balanced, 300.000 lives against the billions of people the reaper invasion would have claimed, of which the batarian's would probably have been the first anyway.**

**Nevertheless, the part in Shepard that tried to save everyone, the part that saw reason to give even the guilty a second chance, when redemption was possible, this part of her screamed for the lost and couldn't stop screaming.**

**Nothing seemed to work at first, nothing seemed to stop Shepard tears, until Liara practically seduced the Spectre to make love to her. **

**Rain hesitated at first, but quickly gave in to her lover's touches and caresses. She was hungry for the balm love offered to her.**

**Liara's love and passion and care finally managed to soothe the burning pain inside humanity's paladin.**

Afterwards they spent hours talking the mission through and through, until Liara succeeded in convincing Shepard that she had done anything possible to save the civilians.

Then they had sex once more, slowly and very gently.

They started to sleep soon afterwards, completely satisfied and the Spectre at least partly at peace with herself once more.

X

* * *

><p>X<p>

The next morning the lovers slept in, passionately made love one more time, showered together and then sat in the ship's mess for a late breakfast.

Liara had been on the Normandy SR II for a few times by now, but she still registered the crews eyes on her.

X

At first she had thought it was because of Cerberus attitude against non-humans, but when she talked with Tali about it, the Quarian just laughed.

"Keelah, Liara. Do you think after having Shepard as commander, with a whole bunch of us scary aliens aboard, they could still be the racist blockheads, some of them were at the start?

Even Miranda has become less cold and besides, a lot of the crew indeed joined Cerberus for the chance to serve under Shepard, to some humans she's almost a messianic figure."

She laughed out loud and continued.

"Don't you remember Conrad Verner? We've got some more of that kind aboard the ship.

No, Liara they are just curious about the pretty, little alien who managed to completely bewitch their commander and ruin any chances they might have had, however marginal."

Liara had smiled understandingly and caught Tali's three-fingered right hand in hers.

"And you Tali? Are you fine with it? Or do you hate me now?"

"Wh... how did you... NO, I mean... I... we... That is..."

The young quarian continued like this for a while, until she breathed in deeply and got a grip on herself.

Liara thankfully registered that the engineer hadn't let go of her hand. That had to be a good sign for sure. She had known about Tali's feelings for a long time, long before Shepard had a clue, naturally she had only told the Spectre when they already were a pair. No matter how much she liked Tali, no reason to add to the competition.

Finally Tali squeezed Liara's hand with hers and answered.

"No, Liara, I don't hate you. I... was angry at you for a long time. Shepard was so confused sometimes because of you and I was there to pick up the pieces and she never... I had to realize, there'd never be a chance for me. I'm just like a sister to her, she even calls me Imouto sometimes, which seems to mean little sister in one of earth's old languages.

So, no, I don't hate you, not since you two are so happy together now...

But Liara, _Keelah_ se'lai, I swear if you hurt her like that again, I'm going to break your scrawny neck. No matter that we are friends, no matter what."

Liara was glad and a bit afraid, because that last bit had sounded quite like Tali meant what she had said.

X

There had been similar conversations with some other members of Shepard's operatives.

Garrus had taken a while until he begrudgingly allowed her back into the fold;

Thane was charming and nice and his usual melancholia made it almost impossible to see that he was sad about not having any chance with Shepard.

Samara was courteous and so impressive, that it was practically scaring.  
>Tali had told her that the Justicar and the Spectre had been quite close for some time until something, no one seemed to know what, had caused the friendship to cool a little bit.<p>

The reaction of the other members of Shepard's strike team was not worth mentioning, only Grunt and Kasumi Goto caused some problems.

Grunt had some idiotic ideas about how he had to perform some impressive feats on the field of battle, so that he could be considered worthy to mate with his battlemasters female.

He didn't mean anything by it, but as usual he was so blunt with it, that Liara actually felt intimidated and Shepard finally lost her nerves, at which point she pushed the test tube Krogan through the floor of his quarters, her strength fuelled by anger and her Kestrel armour.

The Spectre made it clear that humans as a species didn't believe in the Krogan's way of deciding who was worthy to produce offspring.

And Shepard in persona didn't like the idea of sharing her partner with Grunt.

X

Kasumi on the other hand, treated Liara like an intruder and shot venomous, icy glares of disdain at her, whenever they met.

Liara had endured it for a while, not sure if she should try to speak with the Master Thief herself or bring it to Shepard's attention.

When she finally told Shepard about the problem, the Spectre turned beet red, made a few attempts at pussyfooting around the matter, but then came clean about having sex with Kasumi for one time, shortly before the final attack on the collectors.

This in turn led to Shepard confessing about another one night stand with the young Yeoman Kelly Chambers.

Liara was raging with jealousy for a while, but when her head cleared again, she realized it probably wasn't any different to her own meldings with a few Asari's while she was on the hunt for the Shadow Broker, mainly Careena and that traitorous witch Nyxeris.

Sex was a method to ease the loneliness, Liara reluctantly admitted.

They talked this through in one long session, followed by a night full of joined sex.

Another consequence of that night was an invitation one drunken night for Kelly to join the two lovebirds.

Since Kelly had been smitten by Liara when she first saw her in person, it hadn't been much of a task to seduce the redhead, but the following week, Shepard couldn't help but blush furiously, whenever she met Kelly for the daily, crew status reports and the young Yeoman didn't fare much better.

It had been a very enjoyable night, but for now all parties were to embarrassed about it, to repeat the experience.

X

"_Strange what goes through your mind sometimes." _

Liara thought, but was woken from her reverie, when she felt Shepard's hand close over hers on top of the table, the commander leaned towards her and planted a tender kiss on her cheek, before she rested her forehead against Liara's.

"Thank you, hime, for being here for me yesterday."

Instead of answering Liara caught the Spectre's lips and kissed her gently.

They lost themselves in their kiss, until they were disturbed by loud cheering by some crewmen and a few of Shepard's squad mates.

"Oh, aren't you two love-birds sweet?"

Jakob cheekily asked.

"To a turian it is actually a quite disturbing sight, to see a human and an Asari make-out. Considering how often it happens, our fellow council races make us suffer a lot."

Garrus chimed in.

"It is only child's play compared to the way a krogan makes love."

Grunt offered his opinion while chewing on a massive chunk of beef.

Shepard reclined in her chair, but held onto Liara's hands.

She smiled at her specialists good-naturedly, before she answered.

"First of all we are just showing affection, Grunt. We're not having sex.

And secondly, how would you know. As far as I know you didn't get any.

Or am I wrong?"

The sight of a blushing Krogan was really unusual and for most people seated at the table it definitely was a first time.

Grunt mumbled something about "Shepard not knowing everything" and pretended to concentrate on his breakfast, while his squad mates tried to hide their smiles.

"So Liara, you're staying for longer this time?"

"I plan to, Garrus. Feron can manage the day to day stuff for a few days and I want to finally spend more time with Shepard."

She squeezed Rain's hand and smiled at her.  
>In response the Spectre pulled Liara over to her and into her lap, making her squeal in surprise.<p>

She wrapped her arms around the Asari and kissed her gently.

"I'm not sure I can let you go back this time, Dr. T'soni. You're growing on me."

Garrus welcomed Tali who'd just arrived from the elevator with what passed as a Turian's smile and indicated the pair to her with a sideways nod to them.

Tali looked at her friends and nodded back. Shepard's longest running squad mates shared an understanding look.

They were happy to see their friends reconciled, especially since Shepard had all but broken down, before the Shadow broker affair had begun, when the direst threat to the council systems had been removed. With nothing else occupying her mind, she finally fell into the depression she had fought against for so long.

They both knew what a toll the destroyed Batarian star system had to take on Shepard's conscience, even if she had done anything in her power to prevent it.

Because of that they were relieved to see the two act so normal and caring.

X

While Shepard and Liara still concentrated on each other, a voice of discomfort broke into the relaxed atmosphere.

"Oh great, now they are even making out in public, why don't you two get a room? Then I could at least eat my breakfast in peace."

Kasumi sneered at them derisively, but didn't continue when nobody reacted to her comment.

So she started to chomp down on her bowl of cereal.

The master thief continued to make further snide comments from time to time, her eyes under her hood darting angrily to the couple and back to her meal, but she couldn't destroy the peaceful atmosphere.

After a while she dropped her spoon in the bowl, grabbed a slice of toast and made off to her quarters.

She clearly heard one or two crew members snicker behind her and felt the muscles in her back harden in anger.

She hurried on her way.

X

With breakfast finished Shepard left Liara and Tali in a relaxed conversation and met with Garrus and Miranda in the briefing room to discuss the plans for the coming week.

Since no important mission was on schedule, they decided to return to Ilium to give the crew some leave and make necessary repair and maintenance work on the ship. Shepard wanted her crew and ship in the best of shapes, when she made her next move.

Then Shepard excused herself to meet with Kasumi.

She had already put this off too long and she wanted to get everything out into the open before it festered too much in the darkness.

She took the lift to deck three and made her way to Kasumi's quarters

She opened the door to the Port Observation and entered the room.

She found the Master Thief sitting at her desk typing furiously into an omni tool generated console.

When Shepard entered, Kasumi looked up to her, rose from her seat and gave her a mock formal, military greeting.

"Commander Shepard, here to reprimand me?"

She let her body fall into her chair again and smiled bitterly.

Shepard didn't react at first, but nonchalantly continued to the desk, leaning her back against it and began staring out of the observation window.

She sorted her thoughts, while the Master thief did her best to act as if Shepard wasn't even around.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you Kasumi. I'm sorry if you thought there would be more between us. But I'm not sorry to be together with Liara again, it's everything I wanted since I first saw her. You know how I feel, Kasumi. You're perhaps the only one, except for Thane who knows how I feel for her, how much I need her.

Because you both had somebody as important as her in your life, you understand.

And believe me I'm sorry you lost Keiji, but Kasumi, please understand that I can't be a replacement for him. You've grown to be very important to me as a friend, but I've got somebody else."

Shepard turned her head to Kasumi and looked down at her.

The thief had removed her cowl and stared up at Shepard with an angry scowl.  
>"Do you think reminding me of what I lost and rubbing the fact that you've still got it in, is helping in any way, if you want to clear the air between us?"<p>

Shepard grinned sheepishly.

"I don't know. I just wanted to be honest. I figured there was about a fifty-fifty chance you'd either understand what I'm trying to say or start shooting at me."

Kasumi let out a frustrated sigh, but Shepard saw a glimmer of humour in her eyes.

"You are an idiot, Shepard! You know that? Everyone thinks you're that great and noble warrior and saviour of civilisation, but you just blurt out whatever comes to your mind, don't you?"

Shepard nervously rubbed the back of her neck and laughed.

"Well, maybe. Look, it's not like this is a battle and I can come up with some brilliant stratagem. You are my friend and I don't want to lose that friendship, but you've got to let go of the idea there could be something more between us. It's as simple as that."

"So you decide what I have to feel for you? And what about the woman that broke your hearts months ago? Are you telling me my feelings towards her as well?"

"Kasumi! Don't bullshit me! You're hurting yourself and your hostility towards Liara hurts both her and me... Yes, she hurt me badly, but it was a very complicated situation. She was hurt as well and scared and lonely.

And she had to make tough decisions, plus she was indebted to someone very much. A debt generated when she tried to help me. I can't ignore how she treated me, but I also can't ignore the circumstances that drove her to act that way.

And okay, you and me had sex. It was great and there definitely is some physical attraction between us. On the other hand we were both seeking comfort in the other that way..."

Before Kasumi, who'd already risen her hand, could interrupt her she continued.

"There's nothing wrong with that. And I admit, if there was no Liara and if you gave us time, there might've grown something good out of this encounter, but that's not the case.

The real question is whether I loose a great friend because she convinced herself she wanted more than friendship."

Kasumi opened her mouth to answer, then closed it again.

She lowered her head and shuddered.

Then she looked up at Shepard again.

"You are an A-hole Shepard, that's what you are. Of course I want us to stay friends. I just... I just... maybe you're right and I just fooled myself into thinking I loved you this way as well."

A few tears ran down her cheeks, Shepard's hands went automatically to her face to wipe them off, but then she caught herself and instead handed a handkerchief to the thief.

Kasumi dried her tears and forced a smile onto her face.

"Okay, Shepard. No more angry remarks or snide comments, but I can't promise you that I'll grow to like Liara."

"You don't have to, just give her a fair chance and you'll soon see what I see in her and what a wonderful person she is."

She lay her hand on the thief's shoulder and squeezed it gently.

"Take care 'sumi-chan. You'll find somebody soon. How about you look around here? I saw some very interesting poems about a certain, gorgeous hunk who is on this crew, when I last checked the Shadow Brokers data banks for information about the crew."

"Wh-what? You- you saw. I... I didn't... I just."

The thief blushed furiously, then she resigned.

"Oh man, have you seen the muscles on the guy when he works out, he really **is** such a hunk! I have to keep my libido on a tight leash whenever I train at the same time he does."

"I'm sure he is and he definitely is a good and dependable man.  
>Why don't you just ask him for dinner during the leave on Ilium? Nothing behind it, just two friends enjoying a good meal together. Who knows what will happen, right?"<p>

With two fingers tapping her brow, Shepard walked out the room, leaving a very embarrassed Kasumi Goto behind.

Shepard smiled, she wasn't sure if romance was possible between Kasumi and Jacob, but even if they just grew closer as friends, that would be a good thing.

X

X

The week ended much too soon and before Shepard and Liara realized it their time together was over for now.

Shepard accompanied her lover in the shuttle and saying goodbye on the Shadow Broker's ship turned into a final bout of lovemaking.

That was why Shepard walked a bit stiff, when she returned to the Normandy's command centre 2 hours later. She felt a bit sore after making love for hours each day the passing week, but she wouldn't trade one minute of the time for the pain.

She walked up to the galaxy map and selected the next destination.

"Joker, set course straight for Earth. I don't want to be late for my court martial."

She activated a command on her omni tool, sending her next words through every speaker on the ship. It started with a short acoustic signal which informed everybody that it was the commander speaking to the whole crew:

"I have something to announce and believe me, I've weighed every option and didn't make the decision I'm going to tell you about now, light-hearted.

As you might know, I was forced to destroy a Mass Relay during a mission to prevent the arrival of a new Reaper force.

This resulted in the loss of 300.000 lives in the Batarian colony in the system.

I had no other choice, it was the only way to buy the galaxy more time to prepare, but the Batarians are understandably crying for blood.

Therefore I have no other option left but to hand myself over to the earth authorities for a court martial.

Before you protest, don't expect me to lay down and die. This is something I have to do, with this out of the way we can deal with the real problem.

We will deal with my court martial and then we find a way to stop the reaper invasion.

And I'm confident we will find a way to stop those monsters.

The odds may indeed not be good, but when I'm with this crew, I know I can beat the odds of any suicide mission."

She closed the com channel, rested her hand on the railing and listened to the crew breaking out in cheers for their commander.  
>Like Hackett had said during rebriefing, this wasn't a Cerberus Ship anymore. It was her ship and her crew.<p>

And no matter how big the task before her. She would find a way to beat the odds.

She had friends, a crew, she had made lots of allies and most important she had someone and something to look forward to. She wouldn't let anyone down.

Reconciling with Liara had taken away the insecurity which had been gnawing on her for the last months.

No Reaper was going to stand between her and her future.

X

X

* * *

><p>X<p>

X

_**A. N:**_

_I was almost finished with this yesterday, but then the story grew bigger and bigger. Than at about half past two last night I fell asleep in my armchair.  
>We here in Germany start celebrating X-Mas on Christmas eve, so this was a busy day, but as soon as I returned from my mom's place I set out to work again and guess what, the story still grew and grew.<em>

_Now I'm finished and I'm happy with the final chapter._

_BTW: Hime means princess in Japanese, Imouto means little sister and Itadakimasu is comparable to the French „bon appetit" or the german „Guten Appetit", the closest translation (or mostly used in anime and manga) is „let's dig in", but in my opinion it's more like „enjoy your meal"._


End file.
